You didn’t start over
Have you ever read your Bible ten days straight, missed one, and felt like you blew it? You’re not alone. On episode 218 of The Daron Earlewine Podcast, Daron sits down with his middle son, Ty, during the last week of Ty’s summer internship with Blackbird Mission and Rogue Collective. Ty is 19. He spent the summer coaching alongside construction crews in Wisconsin and Oklahoma, leading Bible studies, setting up chairs, grabbing coffee, and speaking to a few hundred people at Worship on the Water. His biggest takeaway? Your faith is not a streak. It’s a stack. Miss a day and you don’t go back to day one. You keep building.
Your spiritual age matters more than your birthday
Ty walked into rooms full of guys twice his age and asked his dad, “Am I allowed to talk?” He learned that confidence and humility can sit in the same chair. When he stopped trying to sound theological and got honest about his own struggles, people leaned in. “I can’t give people what I don’t have,” he said. Many of the men he met had been walking with Jesus for two or three years. So had Ty. That shared starting line mattered more than the 20-year age gap. Daron connects this to a principle, paraphrased from John Calvin, that Rogue coaching teaches: real wisdom grows when you know yourself and know God at the same time. Know God without knowing yourself and you drift toward judgment and striving. Know yourself without God and life turns into a selfish project.
Hearing who God says you are
Through Jamie Winship’s Identity Exchange, Ty learned listening prayer. It comes down to two questions: “God, what do you want me to know about this? What do you want me to do about it?” On a Zoom call where he was the youngest person there, Ty turned off his camera and asked God what He calls him. The name that stuck was “Calming Nurturer.” It took about two months to see it play out in his life. His parents confirmed it by pointing to real moments at home and with friends. Ty also found freedom in how he’s wired. He processes out loud, so talking through what he’s learning isn’t a flaw. For parents, the word is direct: the best gift you can give your kids is your own growing relationship with Jesus. You can’t control another person. You can be present, available, and honest that you’re still in process too.
Episode Summary:
Ty Earlewine just wrapped his first internship with his dad, Daron, and it changed how he sees himself, his faith, and his future. In this episode, Daron and Ty sit down to unpack what it actually looks like to grow in the knowledge of God and the knowledge of self at the same time, why chasing spiritual “streaks” can quietly wreck your walk with Jesus, and what it means to discover your God given identity in the middle of an ordinary, uncertain season. If you’ve ever felt like you’re behind in your faith or unsure who you really are, this conversation is for you.
KEY TAKEAWAYS
⚡️ Your identity in Christ isn’t something you perform your way into. It’s something you’re invited to listen for, receive, and let other people confirm.
⚡️ Consistency with God isn’t about protecting a streak. It’s about stacking days, so a missed day doesn’t erase the ground you’ve already gained.
⚡️ You don’t need years of experience to have a genuine impact. You just need to be honest about what you actually know, and keep growing from there.
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EPISODE TRANSCRIPT
Daron: Created on purpose and for purpose. Hey, welcome back to The Daron Earlewine Podcast. Daron Earlewine, your host. Thanks for coming back for another episode. Appreciate everybody that’s joined us. Subscribe to the YouTube channel, Spotify, Apple Podcasts, all over the place. We appreciate you being here. I want to welcome everybody out in the dirt world that’s been joining us. It’s great to see that audience growing. Love you guys and girls out there, and thanks for joining us. We appreciate it.
Also want to give a big thank you to anyone that’s joined us on Blackbird Mission, our nonprofit that provides this content free all over the world, and to the folks who’ve joined us as monthly partners, donating to help us continue to send these resources around the world. Thank you so much. If you’d be interested in joining us, just go to blackbirdmission.com/give and become one of our monthly partners. We really, really appreciate it.
So sitting down today with my middle son, Ty Earlewine. Welcome back. What’s up?
Ty: This is our fourth time on here. It’s good. It’s cool.
Daron: Whenever people talk to me about the podcast, some say, “Man, I loved that episode, I loved that episode,” but I get so much cool feedback from the times you boys have been on the podcast. I appreciate that.
Ty: Yeah, I’ve had that too. When we’re out at Worship on the Water, or even on the Rogue trips, people say, “Hey, I listened to your episode with your brother at the track,” or “I listened to this episode.” That’s cool, because a bunch of episodes come out weekly or every two weeks. It’s cool to see people say they listened and took something out of it. It’s always really cool.
Daron: So we’re coming back on today because this is the last week of your summer internship. We did an episode back in May at the track, which was epic because it was at the track, and caught up on your last year. You went to college at Grand Canyon University, physical therapy major. A month or two in, you felt like God was saying, “We’re going to change course a little bit,” and you switched to a business major with a minor in theology. Then you called us throughout that first semester and said, “Hey, what if I was to intern with you this summer?” I had never really thought about that. We talked in that episode about how I’ve never tried to force you guys, or make your calling be what mine is. But it’s been so awesome to see that growth in you.
So you came on as an intern this summer. I had expectations that it would go well, because we love hanging out. I thought you’d do a great job. You have by far exceeded every expectation I had for how you’d do this summer. You’ve done video for me when we’re on the road. You’ve been part of small group coaching. You’ve spoken at Worship on the Water. You’ve led Bible studies with different companies around the world. You’ve done grunt work, getting coffee and lunches, setting up chairs for Worship on the Water. You’ve done a lot of things.
The thing I want to affirm you on is whether it’s something a regular intern might do, “Hey, go get us lunch,” or whether it’s speaking in front of hundreds of people at a local bar, you’ve never complained. I’ve never felt like you thought something was below you. You’ve been a humble servant the entire time, and it’s been an absolute joy to spend the summer with you.
Ty: It’s been a lot of fun.
Daron: I’m actually really sad you leave on Monday, because I’m going to get real lonely for the next nine months by myself. I may have to go find another college student to jump on. So I thought it’d be cool to catch up here at the end of the summer and talk about what you’ve learned, some of your takeaways. You’re going back to college next week.
Ty: Yep, Monday. Back to the grind. Back to the valley of the sun. Praise God. Phoenix.
Daron: It’ll be hot when you get there.
Ty: It will be extremely hot.
Daron: Let’s take a walk down this year. Coming into it, what were some of your expectations? What were some of your fears? What were some of the things you were excited about as you stepped into this internship?
Ty: I remember it was the first week we started, and you gave me a piece of paper that was like, “This is what I think every day of your internship is going to look like, Monday to Friday.” It’s just not been like that at all. It’s been so different. There are some days I’m starting at 6:30 in the morning, and some days I don’t have anything until one in the afternoon.
Another expectation I didn’t realize was how different an internship is compared to a summer job. I have so many friends working summer jobs right now where it’s, “I’ve got to be in at eight, I’m out at four or five, making the money for college.” There were points this summer where I thought, “Man, I’m not doing much.” And then I realized, that’s the value of an internship. I’m getting paid and getting experience, on top of the job aspect of it. That changed my expectation, realizing this isn’t going to the exact same thing every day. You have to be flexible. After that, it was basically, “All right, let’s do it, let’s figure it out.” Even this podcast, two weeks ago we said it’d be a good idea to recap everything. So expectation-wise, I thought I knew how it was going to be, and in a great way, it wasn’t that.
Daron: Did you have fears, like “I don’t know if I’m going to be good at this,” or “Do I know enough, do I have enough experience”? What were some of your hesitancies or fears coming into it?
Ty: The Worship on the Water stuff, the speaking, and the labor part of it, helping build the podcast studio, doing the chairs, being an assistant, getting coffee and lunches, that stuff I was fine with. I knew how to do those things. I think the fear came more from the Wisconsin trip, the Oklahoma trip, Daystar, any of the companies we were going to that I didn’t know, and being the youngest person in the room. Those fears were quickly erased. Those guys are great, very respectable companies. I got to have really good conversations with them while we’re in the hives, waiting for theirs or just finishing theirs. I’m asking them questions, getting to pick apart their brain, how they see their business world, and how Rogue is starting to change that.
That was my biggest fear, honestly, places I hadn’t been yet. I remember telling you, “I’m 19, I don’t have the experience to go into these places and make a huge change.” But the small amount of change people instilled in me, or that I got to help people understand about the Rogue stuff a little more, mattered. By the end of the summer I’d heard different parts of the Rogue coaching experience three or four times because we were adding new groups throughout the summer.
The fears kind of faded after we went to Wisconsin once and Oklahoma once. I thought, “Okay, I’ve met these guys, I know how this is going to roll, I know what I’m supposed to do.” After that, when you were in the hives and I was floating around the office with Wyatt, going wherever people were, having conversations, once I did that I thought, “Okay, I know what I’m doing now.” Speaking was a different fear, more nerves than fear. I knew I could public speak, and I finally got to rewatch it yesterday before this podcast. I was pretty pleased with what I said, I thought I flowed well, and I’ve had positive feedback from people. But that was probably the only real fear, the different places I hadn’t fully stepped into yet.
Daron: I got feedback yesterday from somebody who was at Worship on the Water. One thing I’ve seen in you this summer that I want you to keep stepping into, they said, “Wow, Ty’s got a lot of confidence, he came across confident in what he was doing.” I’ve watched you do that well. It’s odd, we drive six hours to Wisconsin to meet with 25 or 30 construction workers and coach them all day, and you’ve never been in that environment. You’re 19, you don’t know the industry.
Ty: Fishers. Yeah, exactly, all these things.
Daron: But you had a confidence, and you could be present in the room in a confident way, mixed well with humility. Early in the summer, on one of our first trips, you asked, “Hey, am I allowed to talk?”
Ty: I do remember that. “Can I add stuff?” I wasn’t sure.
Daron: And eventually you were like, “Yeah, probably.”
Ty: I think the balance, and this is probably true in any new environment, is when we’re insecure or feel out of place, we’ll over-talk or try to pose like we know it, and it comes off as inauthentic, maybe even annoying. I think I did a good job noticing, “I don’t know a lot. I can show up and be present, but let me mix that with humility. What’s my role here?”
Daron: I think you did a great job of that. In a lot of the coaching environments, all the questions you brought to the table were appropriate, they helped move the conversation forward, helped people get clarity. I think you did a really good job of being confident, but mixing it with humility, “I’m here to learn, I’m here to absorb,” while stepping into it and helping people process well. That was one of my hopes for you this summer, giving you a broad scope of experiences, so you could figure out where your sweet spot is. Because who knows what God’s planned for you. Maybe you work at a church, maybe a camp, maybe you become a Rogue coach. We’ll see what that journey becomes, and I’m excited for you to have two or three years left of college to keep growing into that.
What’s one takeaway you feel like, now that the internship is over, “I’m actually better at that than I thought I was going to be”?
Ty: One of the things was understanding and being okay with humbling myself, that I don’t know things. I remember after the podcast at the racetrack, when we did it with Grandpa Cole, me and Cole went up for one of the ten days we watched race cars around that track. We had a really good conversation. He said, “You have a lot of really good insight, but you’re trying to be really theological, you’re trying to over-explain, Jesus-dump on people about things you don’t fully understand yet.” I remember thinking, “Why are you saying that? Don’t bring that up, I’m just trying my best.” But I processed it and realized, “Okay, I don’t know these things. I’m young. I could have spent this whole summer reading through every book of the Bible to get as much information as possible, but if my heart wasn’t fully there for it, it would just be a labor thing.”
What I’ve learned, the more organic side of it, is that I’ll have a better impact, even the slightest impact, if I’m just brutally honest and genuine. I talked with my friends last week, before I headed back to school, about how it can be really hard to see yourself as a leader when you’re not living what you’re teaching, when you’re trying to create these big “aha” moments for people around you but you’re not walking in that yourself. People are going to relate to me a lot more, especially when I said in my sermon, “This isn’t some fairy tale testimony, I am still struggling, I’m fighting through these things.” I’d just gotten off my third Identity Exchange experience, about 35 people on the call, didn’t get to talk much, but got to listen.
That’s what I realized: I’m still learning this, but that doesn’t mean I put myself on the bench until I have it all figured out. It just means when I pour into people, I can only pour what I have. I can’t give people what I don’t have. When I started doing that, I realized, especially in places like the dirt world where it’s all new, I could really find myself in the picture when talking to the guys. I’m 19, but in a faith aspect, taking my faith as my own and building my own personal relationship, these guys and I are close in time, the last couple of years. I have a little more information from being a kid whose dad was a pastor, but the genuine connection and experience is so different because I’m 19 and this guy is 40, yet we’ve both really been walking with Jesus for about 24 to 36 months, or less.
So my age doesn’t matter as much. My spiritual age is what I can genuinely talk to them about. Because so many of the guys we met this summer would say, “This Rogue stuff’s helping, it’s great, but I’m still kind of curious what Jesus really is.” That’s when I got to have good conversations outside the hives, people asking how college is going, what the rest of my summer looks like. And because I spoke so late in the summer, those conversations naturally led there. I’d say, “Yeah, I’m doing this, I’m at this work trip, we have this event, later in the year I’m speaking at one.” It was genuine, “My dad’s in there, he’s got all this information for you, he’s been doing this for 30 years, he’s super experienced.” But then there was an aspect for them where they saw, “Okay, you’re doing this too. You’re working for Rogue, but you’re still becoming what this whole process is trying to do, unofficially.”
If I can just genuinely be myself and be honest, this flows a lot easier than it did.
Daron: I think something to encourage younger listeners, whether watching or listening, is that balance of when you’re ignorant of something, it doesn’t mean you’re stupid.
Ty: Oh, definitely not.
Daron: It just means, “I don’t know that yet.” One of the things you did well is balance that, “I don’t have to come in here thinking I’m an idiot because I haven’t learned these things yet.” Just know you’re on a journey, learning it with other people. I remember driving back from Wisconsin while you were prepping your talk, and one thing I encouraged you on is that God has given you gifts and abilities to connect with people and communicate. For anyone listening, your gifts may be different, but you can be confident in the gifts God has given you, while also knowing where the main things are you need to grow in. We talked on the way back from Wisconsin about how this will be your first semester diving into theology classes, and if you’re going to speak or coach in these ways, one growth area is growing in your understanding of God.
One thing we teach in Rogue coaching is a quote, paraphrasing John Calvin, that all great knowledge is a combination of continued growth in knowledge of self and knowledge of God. If we have a ton of knowledge of God but not much knowledge of self, we can become judgmental, striving to earn God’s approval. If we have a ton of knowledge of self but no knowledge of God, it becomes a very vain, selfish journey. When we grow in both at the same time, learning about myself, who God created me to be, and learning more about God every day, we start to step into who God’s created us to be, because we know about ourselves and about Him.
One of the things I had you do this summer, and you’ve already mentioned it, is go through Jamie Winship’s organization, Identity Exchange. We’re actually going to have an episode coming up soon with one of their coaches, who was one of my coaches when I went through it. I wanted you to go through it because it was so transformational for me. We talk so much on this podcast about understanding God’s call and His purpose and design for your life, and what’s foundational in that is understanding my identity. Who am I in Christ? Who am I to God? Not what my successes have told me, not what my failures have told me. Who am I to God?
That took you the whole summer to get through, there’s a lot of content and coaching calls.
Ty: I’m still going through it. I just scheduled my one-on-one for September 14th. I have two modules left, the last two on really becoming what you believe, and taking all the knowledge from the earlier ones. I’ll finish that back at school. But the brunt of it, I’ve done about 85 percent throughout the summer. Now I’m just wrapping it up.
Daron: What were some of the cool takeaways from growing in knowledge of self and, at the same time, knowledge of God?
Ty: Probably the coolest takeaway, because it ties into this, is the listening prayers they teach you to do. Asking God, “What do you want me to know about this? What should I do about it?” That’s been huge in my prayer life, learning I don’t have to say the right thing or pray for a certain length of time. I can just sit and listen. That’s been really cool. The identity stuff too, the true and false identity, like I talked about at Worship on the Water, being a “calming nurturer,” and being able to play to my strengths has been huge. I’m not some alpha who’s going to take over everything and drive it a certain way. I’m much more, “I’m going to make sure everything’s good, make sure we’re on pace.”
I’ve learned I don’t need to keep functioning out of strengths I don’t have because they sound right. I should just use what I have to the best of my abilities. We talk about the strengths test in Rogue, your top five. If you’re a two in empathy, even if you work at it for ten years, you’re maybe going to get to a five, and it might not even be genuine, you might just be letting people walk on you. So knowing I can be a genuine listener, a nurturer for someone, is great. I know what I’m good at, I know what God’s put me on this earth to do, I know what He’s calling me to. I’m learning consistently what my biggest fears are, giving them to Him, and learning I should just keep going, keep fighting them, keep walking every day, not worry about how fast it’s going to happen. If it’s continually part of your life, if you have that conviction, it’s going to start changing.
I’ve noticed that in my own life this summer. Some of the things I was battling earlier in the summer, anxiety, stress, fears, are starting to float away. There’s still a little stress, a little fear, but I know I’m not alone, I know He’s going to be there with me, and I’m going to play to my strengths.
Earlier in the year, I talked to you about how it kind of felt like homework, like, “Dad’s having me take this course, I’ve got to get it done week by week, we should probably finish it by August.” I didn’t want to spend a lot of time on a module because I needed to get it done and move to the next thing. But because they give you a year to do it, I removed that “get it done, get it done, get it done” mindset. It became, “When you’re ready to do it, and your heart’s ready to do it, just do it and do it well.” The coursework part isn’t very long each week, but when I let myself really dive into it, it ended up being a longer experience, but a more impactful one. This isn’t like a science class with tests. It’s meant to better you. There’s no grading system. I realized I could get it done at my own pace, and I enjoyed it so much I’d want to do it, even telling you, “Sorry Dad, can’t hang out, I’ve got to get my Identity Exchange stuff done.” This isn’t homework. This is genuinely finding out who you were supposed to be, becoming what you believe.
[Mid-roll: Rogue Collective Coaching promotion]
Daron: Hey, sorry for the interruption in the podcast, but I wanted to take this moment to invite you into something. If you’ve ever felt stuck in your life, spinning your wheels, thinking there’s got to be more for you, if you’ve heard me talk on this podcast about being on purpose and for purpose and thought, “I have to discover my purpose,” that feeling is right. You do need to, and I want to help. I want to be a guide for you to step into who God created you to be. That’s the purpose and design of what we do with Rogue Collective Coaching.
If you’re curious, or if you’re not curious but you know it’s time to take action, here’s your call to action. Go to roguecollectivecoaching.com, click the button that says “Book a Discovery Call,” and jump on a 30-minute conversation with me. We’ll talk about where you are, and whether Rogue Collective Coaching is your next step to help you become who you were born to be. RogueCollectiveCoaching.com, book a discovery call. Can’t wait to chat with you. Let’s get back to the episode.
Daron: You talked about this when you spoke at Worship on the Water, but obviously there were a couple hundred people there and that content hasn’t gone out yet. Take us through that, because it’s foundational, as you went through this and you felt like you heard from God what your identity is. Tell us that story.
Ty: The identity story, basically how they do it, is through a module with a work section that takes you through a written listening prayer experience. My first time through, it still felt like homework, and I kind of scanned through that part, didn’t really get it. Then I got on my Zoom call, and they said, “Introduce yourself, where you’re from, who you are, and who God says you are.” I was the first one to go, and I hadn’t done that exercise yet. There were only about ten people on the call, because it was a later one. I was the youngest person by a good amount, and I thought, “If I don’t say this right, people are going to know.” So I gave a basic elevator pitch of who I am. The next person said something like, “I’m a humble servant.” I thought, “Okay, I’m definitely doing this wrong. Why are these people coming up with these amazing names from God?”
My Identity Exchange coach, Jen, said, “I don’t think I did this right, what am I supposed to do?” She said, “Take a second, turn your camera off, pray, ask God what He calls you.” I sat there, tried to force it at first, names coming in and going right back out, “That’s not right, that’s not right.” It wasn’t a case of, “God might have given me that, or I might have given myself that.” It just wasn’t right. Then, like when you have those listening experiences and something just sticks, and you wonder, “Is that me or is that God?” and it’s still sticking, that’s when “Calming Nurturer” came on. I went back and shared it with the group, and they were very supportive, very encouraging that it just happened for me right there.
It took about a month and a half for me to really see that in my life, talking with you about losing two friends senior year, being that presence for my friends during that, or just my role in the family, keeping everything at bay. Mom and Cole are very type-A people, get things done, do them to the best of their abilities, and it’s worked for Cole, being a scholarship athlete now, that’s big for him, that’s how their lives work. My role in the family, mom jokes, is I’m the glue, I keep everybody at bay, I keep it chill at the house. So that experience was awesome, and then, like I said at Worship on the Water, if God shows you a sign or you hear something and think it’s from God, it’s going to take a while, most likely, to really understand what He’s saying.
I went to other listening prayers and heard one word, or worked through different struggles, “What should I do?” and God said, “Pace. Stay in your walk.” Then I’d drift, have the same struggle, and hear, “Seek. Go seek after me, be there.” I never felt confused, haven’t felt confused in a long time about what I’m supposed to be doing in my walk. There’s still things that need to change, but allowing myself to stick with that process and trust it, instead of thinking, “That prayer a month ago, I still don’t fully understand it, so it probably wasn’t right,” has been huge. I’m either going to reach out to the people who see me all the time, or I’m going to marinate on it and see what happens. That’s what I’ve liked about Identity Exchange: the coursework isn’t very long, but it sticks in your mind for a long time about how this works best for me. That’s where I’ve really grown. I might not fully understand what a “calming nurturer” is right now, but I waited the two months and stuck it out, and now it’s a big foundation in my faith. It works beyond the course, which is really cool.
Daron: What I loved about the process too, the second semester of your senior year, over Christmas break, we walked through the Spiritual DNA course together, which if you don’t know, is our online course that helps you understand life’s four core questions: Who are you? Why do you do what you do? What do you do better than millions of other people? And where can you find your greatest passion? SpiritualDNA.me is the website, you can go purchase the course and go through it on your own. We walked through that together, so I knew your spiritual DNA. But what I loved about this is that when you start to seek and hear from God what your true identity is, it can be confirmed by other people who are following Christ and know you. When you said, “I feel like maybe God told me my identity, I think I’m the Calming Nurturer,” I would never have called you that myself, but it confirmed in my spirit, “That’s true of your essence.” I love what you said, that understanding a smidgen of it now has brought you peace, comfort. What do we get when we hear from God? He’s the Prince of Peace. We get peace, confidence, a sense of ease, connection, joy. Then the cool part is as you keep walking through your life, you continue to see how you step into that.
I think you’ve done a great job of being confident and humble enough to invite Mom and me into the process, saying, “Hey, what do you guys think about this? Here’s what I think God’s saying to me.” That’s been phenomenal to watch.
So next week you’re going back to school. We’re going to fly out to move you in, fly back to go watch Coldplay at Ohio State, which would be pretty epic, then you’ll fly back into first semester of your sophomore year. Last summer you worked a warehouse job, which I think everybody should do at some point, to see different ways people work and labor. But this summer, stepping into this internship, definitely a different structure, a little looser, vastly different experiences, growing in your knowledge of self and knowledge of God. As you’re looking at stepping into this second semester with this clarity and growth, what are you expecting, what are you looking forward to?
Ty: Right now I just have that desire to get back. Summer was great, the internship, being with my old friends, my hometown friends, has been great. Now, because I go to school on the West Coast, they start classes later, I don’t start until the 8th of September. My friends have already had their first day of class, they’re back doing whatever they’re doing, and I’m home waiting. But I’m really excited to be back in that community. I like being out there, it’s awesome. I’m also excited that I’m at a point where I can use the values and lessons I’ve learned this summer to pour back into the guys in Bible study, and on the theology side, starting my minor, one of my classes is based on the life of Jesus, I’m really excited for it. It’s my only class that day, so I’ll be able to focus on it.
There’s a lot in a sophomore year that you figured out as a freshman, the annoying things, how to live on your own, what to do when you get sick, am I hanging out with the right people. I’m 2,000 miles from home, I really had to figure it out on my own, with your support digitally, but it’s not the same. I’m excited to get back and bypass that stormy season of the year. It’ll definitely still be hard, you’ve been home for four months and then have to go back and not see the family for a while, but it’s more that I’m excited to step back into friendships and community. I know my friends are there, I know how things function, I know how to get around. And now with a car, I have the freedom to make my own decisions, I don’t have to get a ride to church, I can just get myself there, go hike, do all these things. I understand how to support myself spiritually, financially, in every aspect, and now I get to really branch out into what I like to do.
Last year I kind of wanted to go to church but had to get someone to take me, then get back, and felt like a burden. This year I can just wake up, grab the car, go to church, get back. It doesn’t feel as step-by-step to get there, I have a lot more freedom. And it’s not just at GCU, it’s understanding what’s going on in Phoenix, being right by a major city, there’s a lot of cool things that come through town, like the yearly rodeo with a bunch of artists. Last year there were a lot of, “I’m not doing much, what should I be doing,” moments. This year I have a different aspect, these things are already instilled in me.
Daron: I think the other cool thing, coming back to growing your knowledge of self, is if somebody’s watching who’s a college student and thinking, “Man, I don’t know any of this stuff about myself, or about God,” you might feel like you’re just guessing your way through life. What I’m excited for you about is that you know so much about who God’s created you to be, what brings you energy, what drains you. You learned a lot of that last year. This year you’re in an apartment, but you have your own room, you have a car. Knowing what’s important for you to be your best self, hear from God, be a good friend, you need to recharge by yourself sometimes. It’s not that you don’t love people or want to be around them, but you need alone time, and now you’re starting to know that about yourself, and your life is set up so you can have that. If you want to drive for thirty minutes and think, or go by yourself and get food, or sit in your room and recharge, you can do those things. I think you’re going to see a next level of impact and leadership because you’ve spent time knowing how to set yourself up for the healthiest, most joyful, most peaceful version of yourself.
Ty: I think from this summer and last school year, I figured out that middle area. At school I’d get flustered because I didn’t have any time alone. The only times I was purely alone were showering or writing for Bible study, unless you count class, but you’re not really alone there. From the first part of summer to the end, because I got home before everybody and I’m leaving after everyone, I can have time alone to reset, but I can’t let myself get too comfortable in that, because then it becomes isolation, and things get hard when it’s just you and your thoughts, it can bring you down. I’m starting to figure out where my sweet spot is between social and alone. If I can be social until I need a break, take the break, then get back to being social, that’ll be great. I also need to trust God that I can probably be a little more social than I feel like, but I also don’t need to be alone as long as I think I do. I’m excited to see that, because I think I’ll have a backboard of understanding: I need to reset, but if I reset too long, I’ll shut off.
Daron: I think it goes back to what you’ve learned with the listening prayers, understanding that if you feel like you’ve shut down or you’re isolating, you don’t have to beat yourself up or think God’s upset with you. You can go to God and say, “Jesus, this is how I’m feeling, what do you want me to know about that, what do you want me to do about it?” Yes, you’re 2,000 miles from home, but you’ve learned to hear God’s voice guiding and directing you in the midst of it, which, when we talk about what it looks like to actually follow Jesus, is the bedrock of it. He actually guides and directs me. I know how to hear His voice on the good days and the bad days, by myself and with others. I’m so stoked for you. I knew you were going to do great last year, and I’m excited to see the adventures you take this year, to step into more freedom, see more of the Southwest, have a blast with your buddies, and keep diving in. Who has God created Ty to be? What is his voice? That’s for your joy. But I love that what’s continued to grow in you is this idea, and Erwin says it well, that the gospel never comes to you, the gospel always comes to you on its way to someone else. Gospel just means good news, and any good news I learn from God about myself, about others, about Him, is initially meant to bring me comfort, joy, peace, guidance, but it’s never just for me. I’ve seen you embrace this idea more and more, that you’re a conduit for these good things God’s bringing into your life. I’m excited to see your influence and leadership grow.
Ty: That’s another thing that’s been nice about Identity Exchange. In the first couple of modules, I’d love the information and want to go tell people about it right away, “Guys, this is what I’ve been learning, I want to tell you about it.” On one of my other calls, I told Jen, “I keep trying to tell people what I’m learning, but I don’t fully understand it yet.” She said, “There’s nothing wrong with that. You’re just vocal, that’s how you process. You want to talk about things and figure them out. If you just sit with it in your own mind, you’ll probably spiral and think about it a hundred different ways, but if you get other people in the room with you, even if they don’t fully know what you’re talking about, that’s how you process.” That was huge for me, realizing I’m not doing this because of some unbelievable push from God to go tell people about it, that’s just how I’m wired to process. I sit and talk about things, break them down that way, and by the time I’m done talking about it, I probably understand it more.
That’s probably why I went straight to you and Mom and said, “This is what I had, I don’t know what I’m doing, I thought it was going to be something else, this is what I heard, do you see it?” The first conversation, you said, “We see it,” but there weren’t examples yet. Then we had a later conversation about the examples where you actually see it in my life. I’m really interested to see how that changes in a different style of living, in the apartment, where during the week it’ll probably just be me and the three other guys, or the guys from the other room coming over. It’ll be a close enough connection to have those conversations, and I feel like I can trust myself now, that if I don’t fully understand something, I’m still processing it, and it’s okay to let these guys hear at least a snippet of it.
Daron: Let’s land the plane. Looking through this summer, for people watching or listening who have a sophomore in high school or a sophomore in college, what word of encouragement would you give a parent to help their kid grow more in their knowledge of themselves and knowledge of God? And what would be a word of encouragement for another 19-year-old trying to figure some of this out? What would you say to a parent first?
Ty: I think the answer for a parent is a little harder than for a kid. I think it’s more about just being there. Not forcing yourself to be there, but just being there. I see a lot of kids, especially nowadays with social media in their ear all the time, who go through things and don’t have anyone to talk to about it, or don’t feel comfortable talking to anyone. One of the things I really value about our relationship is that I don’t remember many times where you were like, “Hey, how are you doing, what’s going on.” It was usually just a comfortable enough thing for me to say, “Hey Dad, this is what I’ve learned about, this is what I’m talking about.”
For a parent, and we talked about this the other night at the Morse’s house with the Gurchaks, about what’s the sweet spot between being an annoying parent who doesn’t let their kid spread their wings, and not being there enough so they think you don’t care. This isn’t for every family, I understand that, but sometimes mothers can be more of the, “Hey, do you want to call this week, do you want me to check in on you,” and I think for you and me, and Jackson talked about this too, you go to your dad more for a problem or a spiritual question. I think family group chats are big too, they create that feeling of connection. Another thing is you don’t need to throw your kid a bunch of spiritual stuff, but I think you should feed into them 100 percent, and that comes from things people don’t always notice, genuine conversation at random times in the car, because you can’t go anywhere, the dinner table, those things. That’s more of a high school thing, when the kid is still in the house. When they’re out of the house, I think allowing them to fall is a really big thing, letting them stumble their way through it, make some mistakes, because then when they’re thinking about it, they think, “Who probably has the answer to this?” and they’re probably going to go to you before sometimes they go to God about things, especially in a college aspect. So that’s big.
Daron: For a kid, I’ll add to that, but for parents too, this is a principle Identity Exchange is big on: you can’t give people what you don’t have. So if you want to know how to spiritually lead your kids, first and foremost, you’ve got to be spiritually leading yourself. Some of those conversations aren’t about force-feeding principles, it’s, “I have a vibrant, growing relationship with Jesus, so when we talk, I have something to give you.” I’m not forcing it on you, not always in your face about it. Sometimes I see parents who aren’t really working hard on their own relationship with God, but they want to fix their kid, “I’ve got to get my kid to stop doing this,” or “I’ve got to step in here.” No, you can’t manipulate another human being, you can’t control another human being. If you want to see your kids grow spiritually, the greatest gift you can give them is that you’re actually growing, and there’s something vibrant there. That would be my word of encouragement for a parent.
Ty: And you have that commonality, letting your kid know you don’t have it all figured out.
Daron: Yeah, I’m in process. I’m figuring this out too. I’m 25 or 30 years older than you, but I’m walking in my faith the same as you every day.
Ty: Do you think that gives a kid a sense of peace or permission, like, “I don’t have to have it all figured out”? Because as a kid, whether you’re 14 or 21, and consistently with your family during certain times of the year, being able to realize, especially in our relationship, when it’s like, “You have a lot of this somewhat figured out, information-wise, communication-wise,” for me it’s, “This is a small issue, and Dad probably has it figured out already.” But then I have to humble myself, “I don’t feel like you’re totally solid either, Dad still works on his faith every day in different ways, but he’s 20 to 30 years older than me, I get to pick his brain and walk with him.” That’s when you see families start to walk together, and that’s super great.
But for kids my age, I think there’s a couple things that can be really big. Growing your faith when you’re not even trying to, getting your social media algorithm dialed in to be what you want to see, which is harder than it sounds because there are things you don’t want on there that show up anyway, and you have to have the discipline to scroll past them and listen to the right things even when you don’t want to. That can be huge, a great area to fill your time with the Lord. But I don’t think you can be discipled simply by your cell phone. The number one thing I’ve done, as a kid around my age, is allow yourself to listen, because you want to hear and learn things, but you don’t always want to listen. It’s easy to want to get it and figure it out now.
What I’ve learned is, have daily things, have things that help you, but be okay with the fact that you’re going to mess up. If you have a day with the littlest sliver of time with Jesus, or no time with Jesus, it’s okay. You should continue to strive to have more days consistently with Him. Another thing I’ve heard: just because you break a streak of something, say you’ve read your Bible for ten days, missing a day doesn’t mean you go back to day one. Stop keeping streaks, like, “I’ve listened to worship music in the morning for a month and a half,” or “I’ve read my Bible for a year.” If our faith was based on how long we’ve done things, we’d probably all be pretty terrible at it. But if we can work on it, it’s, “I’m going to win today.”
Daron: We always talk about this in college, our second semester: it’s a great day to have a great day. It doesn’t matter, nothing has happened yet, we woke up five minutes ago, but it’s a great day to have a great day.
Ty: That’s a fully different thing. Yesterday was yesterday, tomorrow is tomorrow, today is right now, it’s the present. As a kid, you can start to understand how to win the present and understand every day is a different day, and then you don’t have the pressure of, “I haven’t done this in seven days,” or “I’ve done this for this long.” The easiest thing for me growing up, or the easiest thing that separated me from God, was thinking, “Well, four days this week I got in my Bible and I only missed Friday, Saturday, Sunday, so I was over fifty percent, that was good.” I’ve had weeks where I was in my Bible once, and had a better spiritual week than weeks I was in it seven days. I understand the idea of wanting a streak, wanting to be consistently in this, but that idea can kind of chain you.
Daron: Especially if you connect it to the idea that the streak means you have to be perfect.
Ty: Right, like you’ve been doing it for two weeks, then you miss two days, and now you’re back at day one. No. You built your faith for two whole weeks, just keep going, it doesn’t matter if it’s not all in a row.
Daron: That reminds me, you guys have Snapchat streaks, right? The more streaks you have, the higher people ascend to your top friends, or something like that.
Ty: Something like that, or just for the cool of it, “My buddy and I have a hundred-day streak,” and that means we’re really good friends, we’re doing a good job.
Daron: I could see how that could translate to connection with God too, like, “God, I have a zero-day streak, maybe I should just quit,” or, “I’ve got six days, I’m the best,” and then you totally fail and think, “It’s not working.”
Ty: No, you don’t start back over, and it’s not about the streak. Discipline’s good, but you don’t go back to zero when you stumble. I think it’s funny, in a real-world-to-faith aspect, growing up, probably from seventh grade to junior year of high school, Snapchat streaks were, “Dude, if you have a cool long streak, you’re the man, you and your buddy are close, you’ve been snapping for this many days.” What I’ve learned in the last year, in a funny Snapchat analogy, is I’d lose streaks with my best friends, long streaks, and think, “Okay, whatever.” But if I lost a ten-day streak of reading my Bible, I’d think, “Great, I failed, this is going to be a disaster, we’re not doing this again, we have to go back to day one, it’s going to be as hard as it was when day one was last week.” No. It’s so funny, because if you look at it in a work sense, you lose your “streak” at work every Saturday morning, Monday through Friday, and then on Saturday everyone’s like, “I get a break, I’m done.” You know how people drive home Friday at five o’clock, we were driving to an Oxes game last week and thought, “These people are literally trying to get home quick, because you’re done.”
That’s such a difference. Why are people not okay with being fully in it for a while, and then if you stumble or fall, you don’t go back to the beginning, you don’t waste it all? How many people don’t finish something on a Friday and just open it back up on Monday? You could have days with abundant time to spend with God, and days where you just don’t. You can find time, yes, but if you’re moving fast and the only time you have with God is worship music and windshield time, that’s okay. It doesn’t have to be some certain, consistent aspect of your faith, because that’s when the lies start to creep in, “I’m not enough, I’m a failure, I’m not doing this right.” Nowhere in the Bible does it say you need a month and a half long streak of reading it every day to be a good Christian. It tells us to be in our word, but it’s not like that. I don’t know why we’ve made our faith so tied to consistency streaks.
Another thing, in a biblical sense, if you look at the Old Testament, those guys had their streaks broken all the time, and they were still having real encounters with the living God. They’d break their streak of leading people, doing what they were called to do, get to a hard place, and think, “God, I think I’m just going to shut down,” and God says, “No, you had a bad day, a bad month, a bad year, you went and hid, it’s fine, I’m still here, I’m going to bring you back, this isn’t day one, you’ve done all this work, it’s going to keep stacking.”
That’s a thing for a kid at 19, or 14, or 25, before you have everything figured out in your life: being okay with missing a day. Not making that a crutch, like “I missed a day, whatever,” but wanting to do it and be fully in it, while being okay with the fact that it’s not going to go perfectly.
Daron: I love that, stacking, not streaking.
Ty: You’ve just got to keep stacking. And you can use any analogy in the world for that, like construction guys, if it rains, you’re not doing anything that day, you’re getting off, you’re getting paid to do nothing. Imagine if construction worked where if it rains one day, you knock it all down and restart from the beginning. That wouldn’t make any sense. So in a faith aspect, just because you stop building for a day doesn’t mean the whole building fell over. Keep building. That makes it so much easier, because instead of continually fighting the same battle on day one over and over, you just fight the battle. There’s no day system.
Daron: I love it, dude. Good word. Well, man, it’s been an amazing summer.
Ty: It’s been a lot of fun.
Daron: I’m jealous, you get to go live in Phoenix for the next three months.
Ty: But I’ll get to float into some things.
Daron: You’ll be back and forth. Dude, I am insanely proud of you.
Ty: Thank you.
Daron: For what you’ve done this summer, it’s been an absolute blast. I’m going to miss you a ton when I’m driving by myself, thinking, “Oh, Dad’s calling, must be on the way to Wisconsin.”
Ty: Well, I’m dismissing our conversations, but like you said, we can have those digitally, we’ll stay connected.
Daron: Dude, really proud of you. Can’t wait to see what this semester brings as you keep stacking in your knowledge of God and self. Love you, buddy.
Ty: Love you. It was a lot of fun.
Daron: Hey, until we talk again, remember the three things we tell you every single episode. God’s for you, not against you. He’s near you, not far away. He created you on purpose and for purpose. Thanks for downloading this episode of The Daron Earlewine Podcast.