Breaking Free from Shame
In this episode, Daron Earlewine and Darren Cooper discuss the struggle of seeking a relationship with God and the shame that often accompanies it. They explore the concept of feeling safe in God’s presence and how shame can hinder our connection with Him. They emphasize the importance of being honest with God and allowing Him to pursue us, reminding listeners that God is near and always ready to meet us where we are. Tune in for an insightful conversation on developing a strong relationship with God.
Key Takeaways:
- ⚡️Human nature, affected by sin, does not naturally seek God, causing an internal struggle when trying to develop a relationship with the divine.
- ⚡️Shame often acts as a powerful deterrent in the pursuit of a deeper connection with God, leading to isolation and disengagement.
- ⚡️The practice of vulnerability and honesty in the presence of God can combat feelings of inadequacy and invite his compassionate response.
- ⚡️God’s continuous pursuit of humanity, despite our flaws, is underscored as a testament to His unwavering love and commitment.
- ⚡️Even brief, genuine moments of seeking God amidst a busy or disrupted schedule can be profound and impactful.
Quotes
- “God comes where he’s wanted.”
- “God has been redeeming that from me.”
- “Shame is the emotional engine driving most of your behaviors.”
- “Shame has no place in our relationship.”
- “God comes where he’s wanted, but we go where we feel safe.”
- “God is pursuing you.”
- “God is ready to meet you and help you take some steps forward to stay connected.”
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VIDEO TRANSCRIPT
Daron Earlewine
We have to go strong against that shame. And I’m, I’m gonna give you some biblical handles in this series to help you do that.
Darren Cooper
Yeah.
Daron Earlewine
Because he is faithful. The entire story of the Bible is God created humans to be in his presence. Sin separated that, then the entire Old Testament through the entire New Testament, through the past 2000 years has been God saying, I will not rest until you feel safe.
Darren Cooper
And when that shame avalanche begins to happen, it can literally just derail everything to a point that we don’t want to even try. And then we give up.
Tagline: Created on purpose and for purpose.
Daron Earlewine
Everybody, welcome back to the Daron Earlewine podcast. Excited to have you back with us. Whether you’re joining on YouTube or just listening here on audio, if you’re on auto, you can’t see that the one and only Darren Cooper has joined.
Darren Cooper
Ooh, you can’t see, but I’m here.
Daron Earlewine
But you can hear him. Yeah, I just figured. Coop, I always talk to you behind the camera. It’s time to get you back in front of the camera.
Darren Cooper
That’s right, man. This is where I need to be, right behind the camera. Too long. Get me out in front, man. Get me out in front.
Daron Earlewine
Well, Coop, we’re doing a series that’s going to actually last probably about nine episodes. All right, so if you hate this, you’re going to want to skip ahead. We’re going to talk about, I said in the first series of the year, we’re talking about relationships. That’s my word for the year. And I can’t get away from it. And so what I thought we would do is there are three, I think, elements, if you kind of think about it like a three legged stool that really need to be in balance for us to live a life that’s best.
Daron Earlewine
And those are a relationship up with God, a relationship in with other human beings, and then our relationship out to the world and how we impact the world, how we serve, what that looks like. And so what we’re going to do, we’re going to break up this series into three parts. We’re going to talk about for you and I, we’re going to have three episodes. We’re going to talk about our relationship up with God.
Daron Earlewine
And just what inhibits that, what blesses that? How do we work to develop and see that be the best it can be this year and every year, then we’re going to take three episodes to talk about in with interpersonal relationship stuff. We’ll have a few other guests join us on that one.
Darren Cooper
That was a good little plug there. We don’t know who it is.
Daron Earlewine
Don’t know who it is. Secret. Secret. I just figured if we’re talking about relationships for all these episodes, it’d be cool if we did them in conversation with people we’re in relationship with. The last three we’ll do is talking about our relationship out to the world, how we impact the world around us. And not just what that looks like for your outreach idea within kind of christian terms, but just how do we impact the world around us? And so that’s where we’re going.
Daron Earlewine
I think it’ll be a good time.
Darren Cooper
It’s going to be a great time, Daron, because when you get two Darrens together, is it ever a boring time?
Daron Earlewine
Basically what you’ve done is you’ve taken the awesome and you just ten x it.
Darren Cooper
Ten x. Let’s go.
Daron Earlewine
So, Coop, we’re going to talk about the idea of relationship up with God. And I did a sermon recently, and I made a first point that I didn’t really like the point. I have to wrestle with it. And so I want to get your take on it. And the intro I did was, I was talking about, I went to a small christian college.
Darren Cooper
I went to a small christian high school.
Daron Earlewine
High school. We’ve been in that world. We both give it a little context here. Both grew up in the church, so we’ve got a lot of church.
Darren Cooper
We’ve been to a lot of Sunday morning services.
Daron Earlewine
A lot of Sundays.
Darren Cooper
Yes.
Daron Earlewine
So I was telling a story about, I think it was my freshman year at college, and we had chapel three times a week, I think twice a week. Three.
Darren Cooper
Wow.
Daron Earlewine
I should remember.
Darren Cooper
You guys were really spiritual.
Daron Earlewine
Yeah, we really went super holy.
Darren Cooper
Wow.
Daron Earlewine
And so it was weird. Not weird. It makes sense. I really enjoyed going to chapel most of the time because knowing that I wanted to speak, I wanted to make an impact. For me, it was like I was learning, but I’m kind of studying for sure. What are these people doing? How can I communicate?
Darren Cooper
When were the good ones? When were the not so good ones?
Daron Earlewine
There were some not so good ones. This guy was good, though. And I don’t remember his name. I just remember he was a missionary from, like, somewhere dangerous. Right. So that’s like a double whammy. He’s not just like an all star Christian because he’s a missionary. He’s an all star Christian that is also in a risky area.
Darren Cooper
Yeah, he’s ten x his.
Daron Earlewine
No doubt. Yeah. So the assumption is this guy is holier than holy. God loves this dude. And then to 100 exit. He talked about prayer and how he was a prayer warrior.
Darren Cooper
And you don’t remember his name?
Daron Earlewine
I should. I have an idea, but I think it’s the wrong dude. And I don’t want to give this guy credit.
Darren Cooper
He was actually swept up to heaven.
Daron Earlewine
Yes. That’s how sweet chariot came and picked him up.
Darren Cooper
He gone.
Daron Earlewine
But I just remember him talking about how he would get up and pray at 05:00 a.m. And wear holes in his jeans or whatever. It was this big deal. And then he had an altar call kind of thing at the end. And I remember going down front praying and I mean, I’m crying. I’m like, yes, Jesus, I’m going to be a prayer warrior. I’ll see you at 05:00 a.m.. Tomorrow. Jesus.
Darren Cooper
It’s happening for every day from now on.
Daron Earlewine
It’s it.
Darren Cooper
05:00 a.m.
Daron Earlewine
It’s it. I hate mornings. I don’t really pray much, but because this guy inspired me for 30 minutes.
Darren Cooper
Yeah. I close my eyes, I fall asleep immediately. But I’m up at five.
Daron Earlewine
There it is. Yeah. So the first day, guess what? I woke up at 05:00 a.m.. Oh. And I prayed.
Darren Cooper
Wow.
Daron Earlewine
It was good. Felt great about myself.
Darren Cooper
Really. You didn’t fall asleep?
Daron Earlewine
No, I don’t know if I fell asleep during the prayer. I’m just saying. I know there was prayer that happened.
Darren Cooper
Yeah. We’re not talking about how long it was or the quality.
Daron Earlewine
I woke up.
Darren Cooper
You prayed?
Daron Earlewine
I prayed. Second day. I didn’t have faith the second day would happen. Okay. I figured there was an over under on that kind of thing. It would have definitely been the over. I mean, the under.
Darren Cooper
Yeah.
Daron Earlewine
But I still. It’s probably more like 530.
Darren Cooper
Okay. Pushed it back a little, but still a little bit of prayer is better than no prayer at all.
Daron Earlewine
If the Lord can’t have grace for 30 minutes, what is it? Yeah, prayed the second day. Good. Now I feel like I got some momentum, man. I know there are 365 days in Europe, but I’ve now prayed for two days.
Darren Cooper
One and a half. Technically.
Daron Earlewine
That’s true. Third day. Closer to six. Closer to six.
Darren Cooper
Okay, it’s backing up a little bit.
Daron Earlewine
We’re sliding. Sliding. Back sliding.
Darren Cooper
I see where this story is going.
Daron Earlewine
Still pray the third day.
Darren Cooper
That’s good.
Daron Earlewine
4Th, 5th, 6th, 7th. They didn’t happen.
Darren Cooper
Yeah.
Daron Earlewine
And right away, instead of being met with, I did something good. I showed myself I can do this. I’m developing an appetite for prayer. It was just a slam dunk on. See, that’s why you’re a loser, Christian.
Darren Cooper
Yes. And God hates you, and now your prayers will never be answered. And all of the above that could.
Daron Earlewine
All of these things. Yes, all of these things. And my intro the other day was the idea that people probably don’t have all of that exact experience. But my guess is we have all had moments where we got crazy inspired, and the inspiration was real.
Darren Cooper
Oh, for sure. 100%. That was the real part about the whole thing is you were like, I want to do this. The desire is there.
Daron Earlewine
Yes. Until it wasn’t till day four. Yes, till day four. So it’s like, I guess I’m only a three day passionate follower of Jesus. And what I came to try to wrestle with is, and let’s see if this is true with you. I basically do what I want to do in my life. Right. Do you like to eat? Oh, yeah, I enjoy eating.
Darren Cooper
Love to eat.
Daron Earlewine
I want to eat every day and.
Darren Cooper
Get you some chicken wings.
Daron Earlewine
Tell you what, we could get some Joella’s after this or something.
Darren Cooper
Oh, man.
Daron Earlewine
We do talk about food quite a bit.
Darren Cooper
Yeah, we do.
Daron Earlewine
Usually, as a team, that’s somewhat. The conversation goes, we’re like, hey, anybody got time to do lunch? And they’re like, yeah, I think I could probably squeeze a lunch in. And then the conversation happens, like, what about. Ooh, what about this?
Darren Cooper
But we could get some hermanaki. You know what I’m saying?
Daron Earlewine
And that usually wins.
Darren Cooper
That wins every time. Anyway, I’ve derailed us here.
Daron Earlewine
How many times last week, Coop? Did you not eat because you forgot to, or it’s because it’s something you didn’t want to do?
Darren Cooper
That would be zero.
Daron Earlewine
Zero. Right. We always find time to do what we want to do. I notice my deal is I’m very self deprecating, very open with. I’m an open book here, coop.
Darren Cooper
Okay?
Daron Earlewine
I’ve got this game on my phone I play. It’s called Townsville.
Darren Cooper
You ever heard of Townsville? No, I have not. Not a big gamer.
Daron Earlewine
Okay. It’s awesome. You build a town, okay? And you got, like, a farm and town.
Darren Cooper
You got to feed the people.
Daron Earlewine
Yeah, you got to feed the people, but you have to feed the animals to get the produce. Not produce. Well, yeah, you got to get the eggs, the milk, and you. But the whole thing, you got all. And then not only do you build the town, you got to mine where you got to mine some. Like, you got to get the gold and bronze and make these little gold things. You can buy stuff.
Darren Cooper
You’re like living back in the day, man.
Daron Earlewine
We have a train station.
Darren Cooper
When the zombie apocalypse happens. I’m coming to you.
Daron Earlewine
Come Townsville. It’s great. It’s called early Wineville.
Darren Cooper
It’ll be great. You’ll know how to raise those chickens. Yeah.
Daron Earlewine
Anyway, the amount of time in the past 365 days, coop, that I’ve invested in building my town, I’m not going to say the number because I don’t know the number because I don’t want to know the number because it would be embarrassing.
Darren Cooper
You didn’t look it up on the. You’re like, I’m not even checking that stat.
Daron Earlewine
No one needs to know that.
Darren Cooper
Yeah, okay.
Daron Earlewine
And neither do I. But I find time every day to feed the chickens and cows and build town my early Wineville. But 5730 minutes with the Lord busy.
Darren Cooper
Yeah, that’s a lot of time.
Daron Earlewine
It is a lot of time. Yeah. And here’s what I figured out. I don’t spend time with God and really seek him because I don’t want to.
Darren Cooper
And that was the point that you made the other day in the Sermon.
Daron Earlewine
Yeah. You don’t do it because you don’t want to.
Darren Cooper
And I can see why you didn’t want to say that out loud. One, because you didn’t want to hear it. And also two, probably because the people that you were speaking to didn’t want to hear it either.
Daron Earlewine
Yeah. Right. But then I turned to the word of God, which always helps. And it appeased my guilt because it says this in romans, chapter three.
Darren Cooper
Hit me with it.
Daron Earlewine
All right. It says this. There is no one righteous, not even one. There is no one who understands. There is no one who seeks God. All have turned away. They have altogether become worthless. There is no one who does good. Not even one. And I went back as like, there is no one who seeks God. So I was like, well, no one would include everyone. So I’m in that.
Darren Cooper
We include everybody in that one.
Daron Earlewine
Yeah. Everyone gets included in there. It’s an all skate is we don’t seek God because we’re human.
Darren Cooper
Yeah.
Daron Earlewine
Right?
Darren Cooper
Yeah. You might feel like in 2024, at the time of this recording, that you are the only person that struggles with that. And you might even listen to this podcast and go, oh, but still, it’s Darren early wine, and he’s a pastor. Darren early wine. And so he might struggle, but he’s still going to get there most of the time. Not like me. But this verse says, no one.
Daron Earlewine
No one. There’s nobody.
Darren Cooper
Yeah.
Daron Earlewine
And you’re totally right. That’s the point that really did drive home to me, is what happens when you don’t, is you don’t go here and go, oh. There is actually a flaw with humanity that was not actually intended. It’s a post fall, post sin situation. But the way that we live this is. I’m really struggling to work on my relationship with God because I don’t want to seek him, and I know everyone else does, specifically the people that I see outwardly doing it, they’ve got something figured out. And then what happens is the voice in your head, which is usually accusing you and condemning you, which is not the. The holy spirit. Right.
Daron Earlewine
If you were a real Christian, you would this. You would love God. You would like that. You know what, Darren? If you were a real Christian, you’d have gotten up at 05:00 a.m. And prayed for. You’d still be praying right now.
Darren Cooper
Yeah. And the reality of just, like, the shame that comes with it, shame often leads to hiding. Right. In any way, shape, or form. And the minute that you feel like you should be doing something and you’re not, fills you with some type of shame, 100%, or regret or whatever that looks like. And that causes retreat as well. So not only do you have the scripture saying, hey, no one’s doing it, and that’s supposed to kind of be like, hey, you’re not alone.
Darren Cooper
But we hear it, and we begin to retreat, thinking that we are alone, that we are the only ones that experience this, and that shame leads us to really experience less and less of a relationship with God.
Daron Earlewine
Absolutely. And I love that you took us there, because that’s where we’re going. And that’s the exact point. If you’re listening to this or you’re watching this and you’re feeling what we’re saying, what I want you to tie into the fact is, we’re starting to uncover the devil’s number one, number one tactic to keep you isolated from being in the presence of God, which you were created originally to exist.
Darren Cooper
Right.
Daron Earlewine
Is there’s something flawed and wrong with me. If anyone knows this, I’ll be rejected. So I’m going to hide and isolate myself from that which is making me feel shame, which the thing I’m feeling shame at and the thing I’m isolating myself from is the actual solution that I need. Right. And here’s another scripture. I love this one, too. Because if you think, well, that’s Darren, and Darren. Darren squared.
Daron Earlewine
And yes, they had one scripture, but that’s probably it. Well, Paul, which, if we’re going with probably another all star of the New Testament. Yeah, we’d have to go with Paul. So you’d think Paul would probably, in all of his letters be like, I have totally figured it out. I’ve got this nailed. I pray every day at 05:00 a.m. I’m perfect. Be like me, because this is what perfection looks like. But then Paul helps us out in romans seven.
Daron Earlewine
See if you’ve ever felt like this, coop or listeners and viewers. I don’t understand myself at all. That’s a good open. That’s a great open.
Darren Cooper
That’s a hook line if I’ve ever heard one right. It’s like, oh, yeah, we know. Yep, we’re with you there.
Daron Earlewine
And I’ve had that moment a million times in me trying to understand my relationship with God. Like, man, I prayed the prayer, I follow him like all these things. Then I live my life and I come to moments where I go I don’t understand myself at all. I’m in my mid 40s. I’ve been trying to figure out the follow Jesus thing since I was about eight. So we’re coming up on nearly four decades.
Darren Cooper
Four decades, yeah.
Daron Earlewine
And there are still many moments where I go, man, I don’t understand myself.
Darren Cooper
If there’s anything that you understand more, it’s that you don’t understand yourself.
Daron Earlewine
Correct.
Darren Cooper
Right. As you get older, that’s almost more of what you realize is like, I don’t have any idea what I’m doing or what’s going on because this, he.
Daron Earlewine
Goes on and says this for I really want to do what’s right, but I can’t. I do what I don’t want to do, what I hate. I know perfectly well that what I’m doing is wrong. And my bad conscious proves that I agree with these laws I’m breaking, but I can’t help myself because I’m no longer doing it. It’s sin inside me that is stronger than I am, that makes me do these evil things. I know I’m rotten through and through so far as my old sinful nature is concerned, no matter which way I turn, I can’t make myself do right.
Daron Earlewine
I want to, but I can’t. When I want to do good, I don’t. And when I try not to do wrong, I do it anyway. Now I’m doing what I don’t want to do. It’s plain where the trouble is. Sin still has me in its evil grasp. It seems to be a fact of life that when I want to do what’s right, I inevitably do what’s wrong. I love to do God’s will, so far as my new nature is concerned. But there’s something else deep within me, in my lower nature, that is at war with my mind and wins the fight and makes me a slave to sin that’s still within me, in my mind. I want to be God’s willing servant, but instead I find myself still enslaved to sin.
Darren Cooper
This is the struggle, Coop, that’s so good, right?
Daron Earlewine
In my sinful nature, my sinful human nature, which we’re all born in, that is always there. After 40 plus years following Jesus, it’s still like you can see it. This is it. It’s my flesh, and I’m at war with it. And so I tell people this to encourage them. Often is if there’s anything in you that feels motivated to seek after God, you’re experiencing a miracle, right? You’re experiencing.
Darren Cooper
I never thought of it that way.
Daron Earlewine
That’s God pulling you to himself. Like man. I really do want to do this. Okay, stop. In your sinful nature, you don’t. So just the desire, just the appetite for God. Well, it’s not as big as yours, not as great as that missionary for. Well, we’re not playing a comparison game, right? What we’re saying is if you want to work on your relationship with God, realize you’re working from a deficit. But as a spirit comes to life in you and you sense that, the sense of that and you moving any direction towards it is a proof, and it’s a miracle happening in your life. And that’s what Paul answers with this, right? He says, see?
Daron Earlewine
So you see how it is my new life tells me to do, right? But the old nature is still inside me, and it loves to sin. Oh, what a terrible predicament I’m in. Then here’s the money line here. Who will free me from my slavery to this deadly lower nature? Thank God. Listen to this. It has been done by Jesus Christ, our Lord. He has set me free. Yeah, that’s the truth of the cross in the empty tomb, right?
Darren Cooper
Right.
Daron Earlewine
It’s finished. It’s done. But within this. We’ve talked about this on the podcast before, coop. That idea that so many things in God’s kingdom are already. Not yet.
Darren Cooper
Yeah, already, but not yet.
Daron Earlewine
Like, I am set free. Christ has done it, and his spirit is within me and within you. If you’re a follower of Jesus, right? But it’s not yet in its fullness. And so I have to realize in my relationship up with God, this is going to be a Struggle. Hey, I got a quote for you. Shared joy is a doubled joy. Shared sorrow is a halved sorrow. When I heard that quote, I knew I had lived it right when I was going through the death of my dream, the living part of it, when it was being created, I did it with other people and it was amazing. It doubled the joy.
Daron Earlewine
But when it died and I tried, had to figure out what do I do with my life? I was so glad to have people walk that journey with me. They really did help half the sorrow. I know you’ve probably experienced the death of a dream as well. And here’s the good news. God wants to resurrect a new purpose in your life and you can’t walk that journey alone. That’s why I’m so excited to announce the release of the death of a dream. Small group curriculum this curriculum is video based. You’re going to get together with a group of people, watch videos where I’m teaching concepts through each chapter as well as powerful insights that didn’t make it in the book.
Daron Earlewine
They’re going to help you walk together through the process of discovering God’s call in your life. Seeing God resurrect a sense of purpose and hope, it’s going to be amazing. There’s also a great journal that goes along with it. It’s going to help you have a process and a guide to observe, reflect, discuss and open up the insights that are going to lead you into what God wants to do in your future. So listen, here’s your quick action steps and get a group together. Invite some friends to join you.
Daron Earlewine
Go to daronearlewine.com/thedeathofadream. Buy the curriculum, schedule a time, get together and begin the process of walking together towards the resurrection of your purpose. Once again, it’s at daronearlewine.com/the-death-of-a-dream. Thanks.
Darren Cooper
Even this morning, right, I had very much one of those mornings this morning where it’s the newer part of a year, so you’re trying to create new habits or do things differently. And obviously with myself, with young kids at home trying to get up before they do so that you can have some alone time, right? And one snooze went to. Two that went to, well, I’m not going to tell you how many it was because it’s kind of embarrassing, but.
Daron Earlewine
Needless to say, my snooze lasts eight minutes. I’m amazed in my own life how quickly I can fall back to sleep.
Darren Cooper
After a snooze immediately.
Daron Earlewine
And then the eight minutes goes by.
Darren Cooper
So quick, and that’s so frustrating. I just closed my eyes, but it.
Daron Earlewine
Doesn’T stop me from doing it.
Darren Cooper
Oh, no, I’ll do it again. Yeah, totally.
Daron Earlewine
I don’t give up easy.
Darren Cooper
Totally. Yeah. I do not give up easily on the snooze. So this morning, you find yourself waking up later than what you wanted to or what you expected to. And now all of a sudden, the kids are awake and the wife’s awake, and breakfast is happening, and you’re going, man, I didn’t have 2 seconds to think or to pray. But the beautiful part about it and kind of what you’re saying here is that the minute that I stopped and acknowledged, well, that didn’t go as planned.
Darren Cooper
And I pulled out my phone while I was making breakfast, and I pulled up the Bible app and just watched the verse of the day read it. They even walk you through a little prayer thing, and I just kind of hit it just for five, six minutes while breakfast was being made. And it never fails where you feel the connection. You feel God’s presence. You feel him saying, I’m here. It’s not like he’s going, oh, you planned on 40 minutes with me.
Darren Cooper
I got four. You’re screwed. No, it’s immediate and to Paul’s point, where it’s like he paints that I don’t want to say beautiful picture because it’s kind of an ugly picture of, like, we’re not there. We do the opposite all the time. We hit the snooze button way too many times. We don’t do what we want to do. And yet the minute that we stop, the minute that we pause, the minute that we say, you know what, God?
Darren Cooper
I’m just at least turning my eyes to you for a second before these kids run and I got to go to school and then work and then all the things, and next thing I know, it’ll be the end of the day. I’m pausing now. And he has never failed being there in that moment, too.
Daron Earlewine
100%.
Darren Cooper
And that’s the beauty of that as well. Even though we see all the brokenness and how you painted that, that it’s like it’s the already but the not yet. But even in those moments, God’s still right there with you.
Daron Earlewine
What I want you to hear and begin to believe in this first episode of this series is that you were originally created to be in his presence. Right. Sin has separated us. Jesus has done it to where now we can actually have the presence of God. But the flesh is still here and it does not naturally want to seek God. So you’re in this conflict. And what I want to try to do as best we can is deconstruct shame’s ability to keep us there.
Daron Earlewine
Yeah, because that could have been a shame avalanche this morning, Coop.
Darren Cooper
Oh, easily.
Daron Earlewine
Because it’s like, let’s throw a little extra on the recipe you slept in. Then let’s add to this recipe. You didn’t interact well with your wife. Then let’s toss in a little seasoning of maybe you were frustrated with your kids or had a thought that life would be easier if these kids weren’t.
Darren Cooper
Were you there this morning?
Daron Earlewine
I was, Coop. I bugged your house.
Darren Cooper
Wow.
Daron Earlewine
Right? So now I failed as a follower of Jesus. I’m a crappy husband. I’m such a terrible dad. Then try to come back to like, well, why even try, right? Like, just forget about it. And then you start your day, or that could be the middle of your day or the end of your day. And I’m in an absolute avalanche of shame that because my performance sucks at all of this, I deserve to be alone. I’m going to be alone. I’m going to hide in myself.
Daron Earlewine
I’m sure as heck not going to see God’s presence because if he’s perfect, and I’ve obviously displayed the imperfection throughout this entire day, but to come back to what you’re saying is like, no, we have to go strong against that shame. And I’m going to give you some biblical handles in this series to help you do that because he is faithful. And when we, like the entire story of the Bible is God created humans to be in his presence.
Daron Earlewine
Sin separated that. Then the entire Old Testament through the entire New Testament, through the past 2000 years has been God saying, I will not rest until you feel safe being back.
Darren Cooper
I’m coming to you.
Daron Earlewine
Yeah, absolutely.
Darren Cooper
Coming to you. And that shame piece is what you just painted is probably an experience that literally everybody that’s listening or watching this has experienced. Right? That shame avalanche happens more often. And I was even thinking as you were saying it right now, it’s at the new part of a new year, right? We’re all thinking about the ways and we all have our lists of goals or resolutions that we want to do.
Darren Cooper
And you wake up late. Now, not only did I not spend time with God, I didn’t work out. And then all the things happen with the family and then lunch, all of a sudden I didn’t work out. So who cares. Now I’m eating bad, and now you’re going to feel worse than it. It literally goes across, even above and beyond our relationship with God. And when that shame avalanche begins to happen, it can literally just derail everything totally to a point that we don’t want to even try.
Darren Cooper
And then we give up. And that’s why when I finally stopped today, sitting there at breakfast, and I just said, you know what, God? It didn’t work this morning. I had it planned. But I know you’re still here. And little scripture verse, little prayer, hey, give me eyes to see your viewpoint today. Give me eyes to see how I should be a better husband and better father, all those things, and just walk with me in today.
Darren Cooper
And in that moment, in those times, God connects with you. The shame kind of just melts away. And when we step into our day that way, it completely changes everything. Because now it’s like, okay, it didn’t start as planned, but God is with me now. The goals that you have, the resolutions that you have, you feel like you can still step into those even if it didn’t work the way that you thought it would.
Darren Cooper
And if we allow that shame avalanche just to kind of bypass us, that’s where some beautiful things can happen.
Daron Earlewine
Yeah. Let me give us some perspective on that shame. And I want to seat this in this quote. John Tyson, I believe it was John Tyson, great author, pastor. He said, God comes where he’s wanted. And I’ve loved that quote. And I know you’re like, well, Darren, you just told me I don’t want him. So now I feel ashamed because he’s coming to my life.
Darren Cooper
Good point.
Daron Earlewine
I’m talking about your flesh. Your spirit does want him. And we can build like the scripture talks about, right? We can sow to and develop to strong spirit. And that’s important. That we do. And when that happens, I do believe that God responds to a place where we grow that appetite for him. But the juxtaposition of this is God comes where he’s wanted, but we go where we feel safe.
Darren Cooper
Yes.
Daron Earlewine
When’s the last time, coop, you went anywhere naturally, you felt drawn to go somewhere where it felt unsafe?
Darren Cooper
Yeah. No, that never happens.
Daron Earlewine
No. Right. When we see a human do that, we see a firefighter run into a house. Right. We go freaking heroic.
Darren Cooper
Right?
Daron Earlewine
And it is.
Darren Cooper
We tell stories about that. We make movies about that. That is the exception to the rule. That is why we all go, wow, look at that.
Daron Earlewine
Correct. Now, take that out of fires, wars and heroic moments, and let’s bring it back to life is relationships. Everything else is the details. So in the details, people do heroic things, relationships. I don’t go to places in my relationships where I don’t feel safe.
Darren Cooper
Right.
Daron Earlewine
And once again, you’re going to hear shame a ton in this series. But I read a book recently where it said that shame is the emotional engine driving most of your behaviors. And the majority of time, it is completely unconscious. I don’t know that it’s there.
Darren Cooper
Right.
Daron Earlewine
But when I don’t feel safe, I need to have a difficult conversation with my wife. I don’t feel safe because if I say it wrong or do it wrong or she responds in a certain way, so I’m just going to avoid that. And as a seven, I don’t type seven Enneagram. I don’t like pain. You’re a peacemaker. Nine. So that’s probably going on in our soundtrack constantly. I really should probably say something about that. Well, that feels unsafe. I’ll just be quiet and go on with my day.
Darren Cooper
I will deal with it. I’ll be fine later.
Daron Earlewine
I’ll just shove that. We do that and we’ll talk about that in the next series. We’ll talk about relationships with one another, but we do this with God. And if we can’t come to a place where we feel safe in the presence of God, we won’t go there. And that has been like, if I can say, man, I have actually started winning somewhere in my relationship with God. Over the past probably 1015 years, God has been redeeming that from me, because in my childhood, the presence of God was not a safe place to be. The presence of God was a place where you got punished.
Daron Earlewine
Presence of God was a place where.
Darren Cooper
Angry dad.
Daron Earlewine
Angry dad. And God has begun to redeem that through me and in me. And it does come back to shame. And so the roots of this, right, come from Genesis, chapter two. Adam and Eve are in the garden. They’re deceived to distrust God in his provision and his protection. They make a decision outside of the freedom he’s given them or within the freedom, I guess I would say. And what happens here, right, is Adam and Eve eat the fruit. Their eyes are open. And suddenly they felt shame at their nakedness, right? So they sow fig leaves together and cover themselves. So they’re hiding.
Daron Earlewine
Shame’s coming in. And this is when the cool of the evening breeze was blowing. The man and his wife heard the Lord God walking about in the garden. I don’t think this was a one day thing. I think this is what God did. He walked around, and they were in his presence constantly. Right. As they were created to.
Darren Cooper
Yeah.
Daron Earlewine
So they hid. Here’s the isolation. They hid from God among the trees. Then the Lord God called the man, where are you? And one of the points I made in this sermon recently that has stuck with me for a while is, I don’t think this was a locational, physical location question from God.
Darren Cooper
Yeah.
Daron Earlewine
Right.
Darren Cooper
Are you behind third tree where yet?
Daron Earlewine
I created every Adam in this entire garden. I’m all powerful, all knowing, all present. But, man, I just can’t find these two things.
Darren Cooper
Where did they.
Daron Earlewine
Yeah. Gabriel, have you guys seen around here?
Darren Cooper
So good at hide and seek.
Daron Earlewine
Hide and seek is amazing. No, I think what God’s saying, and this is actually comforting to me, I think this is a mental, emotional, spiritual question, and I don’t think it was screamed at the top of his lungs in anger. I think it was a compassionate, like, hey, where are you guys?
Darren Cooper
Yeah.
Daron Earlewine
And for me, that was comforting to think about. This idea of seeking God. Is that. Is that the question that God welcomes me with and invites me into every day? They’re in their sin. They’re hiding, and he just gently shows up and says, hey, son, where are you at?
Darren Cooper
Yeah. And they’re in their shame. Right. The sin that led to this shame, that led to this separation, that they felt like God didn’t go anywhere. God didn’t change in that moment.
Daron Earlewine
He was actually looking for him.
Darren Cooper
He was looking for suing. And even as silly as my morning wake up story was, it was in that moment of me feeling shame, feeling like I should have done it differently, feeling like it should have gone better. Shoulda, woulda, coulda kind of thing. In that moment of my desire to connect with God, right. I wanted it to be 30, 40, 60 minutes in the morning. But as I was sitting there making breakfast, and I go, oh, man, I didn’t do that.
Darren Cooper
It was like God having that moment, right? Saying, hey, where are you? And I just simply stopped. And so whenever you’re feeling shame, whenever you’re experiencing that avalanche that’s just hitting you, I think one of the best things we can do is we can just stop and recognize it and just say, God, I’m here, right. And it’s in that moment that the shame begins to fall away, and we realize that the relationship is there.
Darren Cooper
Right. I think that’s the big thing, is shame blocks that and pushes that away and doesn’t allow us to see that God is in the garden with us. Walking, asking, where are we? Right? And so the thing that I’m trying to do is when it doesn’t go as planned or as I thought it should go, I just let go of that expectation. And when I do, 99.9% of the time, you always experience God just saying, hey, I’m right here.
Darren Cooper
And that’s beautiful.
Daron Earlewine
And I think the beautiful thing to be able to be honest, Adam and Eve were somewhat honest while they started blaming each other and stuff like that. But they got around to it every day. If you could be honest with God, like, how do I grow my relationship with God? Well, in the morning and afternoon or the night, when he pursues you and he asks you a vulnerable but loving and compassionate question, like, hey, where are you at?
Daron Earlewine
To be able to say, I feel like a total loser, dad, because of this and this. And where I’m at right now is feeling just shameful and alone. And I just need you to meet me here. And then allowing the truth of God’s word to give you the promises of what God said, to realize, like you do, that he meets you in those moments and you realize, wow, he is the pursuer. He is doing the hard work. He’s already done the hard work through Jesus. Say, shame has no place in our relationship.
Daron Earlewine
In my flesh. I’m not going to naturally seek him, but because of his spirit in me, because of what he’s done, he is always the pursuer. He is always present. And that’s. I mean, I don’t say what I say every week on the podcast just so I can have a tagline, right?
Darren Cooper
I mean, it’s a good tagline, but that’s not why you say it.
Daron Earlewine
Like, we sat around and did a whiteboard session of like, we got to come up with something that’s going to really hit home. Yeah. Is God is near you, not far away. Every day, all day, God is pursuing you. And so let’s just start there for this year is I want to grow my relationship up with God this year. Know that in your flesh, you’re not going to naturally do it. Just know it’s going to be a struggle.
Daron Earlewine
Know that because of what Jesus has done, right, he did it. It’s done. Is we can be reconnected, and shame has no place here, and we are being pursued. And so, as we wrap up this first episode, what I want to encourage you to do is to take a minute. You might be shoveling snow, you might be on the treadmill, whatever you do when you listen to the podcast, but just stop down for a couple of seconds if you can.
Daron Earlewine
Here would be extra bonus points if you were to maybe journal it down electronically or on paper, right? But just answer this question vulnerably. As someone who is dearly loved by God, where are you? Where are you at right now? I believe God wants to meet us most fully where we really are. And so insecurity and love without shame spend a little time at the end of this podcast just admitting to God where you are because he’s already there, ready to meet you and help you take some steps forward to stay connected.
Daron Earlewine
And so, yeah, I’m excited about this conversation we’re having, coop. And I’m excited about the next episode. And we’d love to hear from you. If you got questions, if you got thoughts, if you want to share with us, maybe what this conversation went with God. After you listen to the podcast, you can reach out. You can email me all the time. Darren@blackburnition.com you can text the podcast all the time. 317-55-7507 can reach out through all the socials. But we thank you so much for downloading this episode. Love to hear from you. And remember, God is near you. He’s not far away. He’s for you. He’s not against you. He’s created you on purpose and for purpose.
Daron Earlewine
Darren squared will be back for the next episode next week. Thanks for downloading this. You it.