The lie your scars have been telling you
You carry scars. Maybe they’re from a marriage that fell apart, a dream that never made it off the ground, or something you’ve never said out loud to another person. And somewhere along the way, a voice started telling you that those scars mean you’re disqualified — that you need to hide them, bury them, and get yourself together before anyone finds out. In Episode 205 of the Daron Earlewine Podcast, Daron unpacks why that voice is a lie, and why the truth is actually the opposite: your scars are your first qualification.
Three lies driving the shame
Daron breaks down the three lies most of us are running on without realizing it: there are perfect people, perfection is the standard, and my life is primarily about me. Social media feeds all three, constantly. But walk those lies backwards — recognize that your life is primarily about loving and serving others — and everything shifts. Your scars stop being proof of failure and start being a testimony. As Daron puts it: “If my whole role is to serve and love and help people find hope — and I’ve moved from a level 5 of hope to a level 25 — I can say: you have that same scar? Let me tell you how I got to level 25.” Even Jesus kept His scars after the resurrection. That wasn’t an accident.
Transformed pain doesn’t have to be transmitted
Richard Rohr says it plainly: “Any pain that is not transformed is always transmitted. Someone else always has to pay.” The goal isn’t to arrive at perfect healing before you’re useful to anyone. The goal is to let your pain be transformed — through community, through confession, through connection with Jesus — so that what you pass on is hope, not hurt. You don’t need a crowd to start. You need two or three people willing to tell the truth together. That’s where healing happens.
Episode Summary:
Most leaders carry their scars in secret.
They’ve bought the lie that their failures, wounds, and struggles disqualify them from meaningful impact. So they hide, perform, and self-protect — and wonder why their leadership feels hollow.
In this episode, Daron Earlewine, PJ Towle, and Producer Coop go deep on why your scars are not the thing working against you. They are the very thing that qualifies you to lead and love others well.
Key Takeaways:
- The three lies driving fear, guilt, and shame around your scars — and why rejecting them changes everything about how you lead
- Why Jesus kept His scars after the resurrection, and what that means for how you show up in your relationships and calling
- The difference between transforming your pain and transmitting it — and how to make sure what passes on to the next generation is healing, not hurt
Episode Resources:
Connect with Daron on Social Media:
Links to the Daron Earlewine Podcast
YouTube | Apple Podcasts | Spotify | Libsyn
EPISODE TRANSCRIPT
Daron: Hey, do you have any scars in your life? I do. I fell off a couple bikes, wrecked a couple things here and there. But today we’re not talking about physical ones. We’re talking about the mental, emotional, and spiritual scars that you may be carrying around in your life.
Here’s what probably is happening. Those scars are screaming out to you. You’re not perfect. No one’s going to love you. Hide that stuff. That is all lies. In this episode, we’re going to discover the truth. It’s actually your scars that qualify you for the greatest level of servant leadership. Let’s jump in.
Created on purpose and for purpose.
Hey, welcome back to the Daron Earlewine Podcast. Stoked to have you back. Man, we’re well over 200 episodes. The train just keeps rolling and more people keep getting on the train. What’s so funny, Coop?
Coop: I was about to go choo choo.
Daron: Should have. This episode is brought to you by Thomas the Tank Engine. Without need to introduce, PJ’s back, Producer Coop’s back. What what?
And yeah guys, it’s been so encouraging. Much of it from Coop and PJ, your encouragement and coaching through the years. We’ve been at this for a minute. We’ve got over 200 episodes of the Daron Earlewine Podcast, which we switched to in 2020. I believe this is episode 204.
Coop: I believe so, but I’m bad at math. I just looked in our Libsyn the other day. I think there are 200 episodes of what was before.
Daron: Shut up.
Coop: Yeah, because it says 404.
Daron: Interesting. So there was a good amount before. The first podcast we ever started, I think, was the Pub Theology Podcast with me, Smiley, and Joey V.
PJ: But you were just a part of that. That was under the pub theology thing, not even our own show yet.
Daron: Right. We were like, we should do a podcast, so we started that. Then we changed it to the Born to Be Podcast. We did that for a while. And then the radio show opportunity showed up in 2016. So we just took what was on the radio and put it as the podcast, because that was kind of the thing to do in radio at the time. We would sometimes do a little extra deep dive. There was a Radio Theology Podcast. Then 2020 with COVID, it goes away.
And then we were like, okay, we keep changing the name. What is it now? Let’s just call it the Daron Earlewine Podcast, because then it doesn’t get canceled unless Daron dies.
Coop: We could keep it going with AI.
Daron: That’s true. I could get into this subject. Let’s try it.
But anyway, if by chance you’ve been here since the Pub Theology Podcast days, 400 plus episodes, then good on you. I do have a buddy in town. He’s like, dude, I love the podcast. I’m just listening all the way through. I was like, you mean all the way through? He’s like, oh yeah, man, I’m listening back. And he’s listening to the Radio Theology Podcast.
I was like, it’s going to take you a minute, bro. That stopped six years ago. I’m not hating anything we did with the Radio Theology Podcast. It was great. But the past 200, they were really getting into something. They’re better. Like you might just go ahead and skip, jump to the Daron Earlewine Podcast.
Coop: I love his commitment. He’s like, no, I’m all in. Like the guy that commits to a show even when it gets terrible.
Daron: He’s like, I gotta see it all the way through. There’s eight seasons and I’m in season two. It’s so bad, but I’ve committed.
But thank you for downloading. It’s so cool to see so many new subscribers joining us on YouTube. If you’re brand new here, here’s what you’re going to get on the Daron Earlewine Podcast. You may get me interviewing somebody, you may get the three of us. And in all the 200, there’s a big chunk where it’s just me talking to you.
But every single week you’re going to get a message of faith, hope, and love. You’re going to get a message that God is for you, not against you. He’s near you, not far away. And He’s created you on purpose and for purpose. So glad that you’re here.
A huge shout out too: everything we do as far as all of our resources is run by Blackbird Mission, our nonprofit. For those of you out there who support us monthly or annually with a tax-deductible donation, so we can make all of this content available for free to people all over the world, I just want to thank you for your continued partnership.
So guys, we’re in a good mood. We’re having a good time. We’re going to get a little heavy in this episode.
Coop: You’ve been saying deep into the pool. Let’s talk about some tough stuff a lot.
PJ: I’m going to need you to start sending me the notes to these episodes before it happens so I can get my feels out first.
Daron: No, see, as an Enneagram 4, you just love to get there.
PJ: I love it. Getting fresh. It happens. And I cry. It’s beautiful.
Daron: But I ain’t going to cry. We know who the emotional one is.
Coop: Maybe we should do a series for the summer. Happy podcasts.
Daron: Happy summer podcasts.
PJ: With my luck, you won’t invite me into them. You’ll have somebody else. The boys will be on the episodes with you and be like, oh, this is fun because PJ’s not here.
Daron: No, it is fun. It will be fun. It’s hope-filled.
Coop: There it is. That’s important.
Daron: So here’s the working title. We may change it to sound better with SEO on YouTube. Here was the thought I had. The sentence is this: why your scars qualify you for servant leadership.
Here’s where this idea came from. With all the Rogue Collective Coaching I’m getting to do across the country, I am loving it. I’ve been a pastor for 26 years now professionally, doing ministry longer than that. And I’m going to say that right now I feel like I’m doing some of the most meaningful discipleship ministry stuff I’ve ever done in my life.
But here’s where it’s getting heavy for me. As a type 7 on the Enneagram, as a connector pioneer, my wife, who is now a StrengthsFinder certified coach, let me know that in my top five strengths, I only have one relational strength.
Coop: It is interesting. What is it?
Daron: You were put on the spot. He wasn’t. I think it’s Belief.
It’s heavy because with what we do with Rogue Collective Coaching, we come into a company. We’ll have a 90-minute workshop where I’m presenting. Then we split the people up. Usually groups of 25 people. We split them up into what we call hives, because everything with the Rogue Collective is about rogue bees. Then I coach these groups of four to five people over about an eight-month period. 90 minutes with the hive, and I hear their stories.
Life is hard.
I think as humans, we’re all carrying a lot of pain. Some of it’s more extreme than others. There are stories where it’s like, wow, you’ve had no major tragedies. But if you’re in your 20s or 30s, the reality is you’ve probably lost people to death, maybe there’s been divorce. If you’re even 17, everyone’s experienced some kind of death of a dream.
So you’re going through your life and, depending on how extreme it’s been, you have all these things that are scars. My experience walking with these people, and even in my own life, is that humanity begins to believe the lie: my scars are the things that disqualify me in life. I need to hide them. I need to bury the pain. I don’t want to talk about that stuff. Let’s just talk about something happy. Let’s just keep moving. This is the stuff I’m ashamed of.
I really feel like that is absolutely the massive narrative coming from the literal pits of hell. And it’s so tragic because we all have it. You don’t make it through this life unscathed. You’ve got scars.
It’s just been burdening me: how many people, as I’m walking them through, the beautiful hope is when they trust the process of realizing, man, when you can have your pain transformed, it can become a gift. It can become a present to you. It is the bedrock of where great passion comes from in life. We’ve talked about that for years on the podcast.
So I love watching people actually experience that. But I thought, let’s dig into it a little bit for somebody who maybe they’re not able to go through a Rogue Collective coaching engagement, or they’re just a podcast person. To help maybe connect some of those dots. To realize that if you’re watching or listening to podcasts right now, and that’s the soundtrack you’ve been hearing: oh well, you’re divorced, you better hide that. Your parents were drug addicts. You lived in poverty. Your first company failed. You failed as a cop. Whatever the thing is that for you is like, well, you’re disqualified. You’re damaged. You can’t live a great life. You don’t have a lot of great purpose, not a lot of hope for you.
To help break through to: no, listen. The scars are actually the unique qualifiers for great servant leadership in your life.
There’s a guy named John Gainer Banks. Great quote, though I’ve not read any of his books. Maybe I will. This is what he said: “Your inadequacy is your first qualification.”
PJ: Say it again.
Daron: “Your inadequacy is your first qualification.”
Thoughts?
Coop: What was coming to mind when you were saying that. You’ve turned me on to this guy, and I know you’ve talked about him a lot on the podcast: Jamie Winship. After we talked the other night, I went into a deep dive of Winshipdom.
Daron: Told you.
PJ: Winshipdom.
Coop: And as a part of that, he talks a lot about identity, and he talks a lot about telling the truth. I think I’ve heard you share this before too. The start of the whole thing, even he would say confession to others or confession to God, is starting by telling the truth. Just tell the truth. God, this is what I think. This is what I feel.
I think there’s a part of what just came to mind as you were saying that. We’ve got to tell the truth about the scars that we have. That this happened, this is not fun, I don’t like this, this is who I feel that I am. Begin to tell the truth about that to ourselves, to others, to God. That is the start of the healing even more. Ah, this is what I’m thinking about, this is the truth about it. Now let God take that and do what he does with it.
PJ: There’s a piece too. We were talking about shows and movies right before we started recording. I think that’s why stories connect. If you look at any great movie, is it perfect for the lead character in the movie? There’s always a struggle. There’s always pain. There’s always a break.
That’s one of those things that can unite us. And I think our culture, maybe because it’s from the pits of hell, have done a really good job of saying none of that should be seen, because you have to look like you have it all together. But to go back to Jamie Winship, isn’t that just more separation mindset than it is connection or kingdom mindset?
Daron: Yeah, you’re talking about scarcity, certainty, perfection. Oh well, I absolutely don’t qualify there. Therefore I’ve got to separate from people. They can’t know that. This is proof that I’m unworthy. This is proof that I’m broken. This is proof that I’m unlovable. This is what the enemy tells us.
Coop: Which is constantly fed to us in everything that we do.
PJ: Did you see yesterday, this is going to put a timestamp on the episode, that YouTube and Facebook lost a lawsuit saying they have built their products to be addictive?
Daron: Really?
Coop: Yeah. You can lose two hours of your life without any thought to it because of how they’re built. So the addiction mindset that happens there, and then when you take all of these perfection ideas that are showing up in all of this, and constantly feed that into people who are stuck on social media constantly, what do you think’s going to happen?
Daron: That’s what I freaked out. I’m off social media for Lent. I’m not going to say I’m off forever. I’m just saying my life has gotten increasingly better.
Now, I do play, there’s a game called Scrutum, where you take screws out of all these different things. This is still a PG podcast. You take screws out of all these metal plates and watch them fall because of the screws you take out. It is such a gratifying thing to deconstruct big metal dragons and watch all the things.
So I’m not on social media, but I’m on level 426. It’s mindless. It’s great. And I’m kind of happy when I accomplish unscrewing something. I’m not mad about someone’s political thought.
But here’s the thing that’s been freaking me out. The freaking game has tons of ads. There’s one that’s been feeding me for the past couple of weeks. It’s like, get fit after 50. And I’m like, calm down bros. It’s this whole, get fit in a chair with Tai Chi. I’ve seen those too.
Coop: Guys, I’m 50. I don’t need to sit in a chair and do Tai Chi. I can get in the gym. I can lift something heavy.
Daron: But the whole ad is fake AI. It’s this Tai Chi guy that looks 50 and just shredded. And they do it in two weeks or something.
Coop: I think it’s something like that. I get those, but it’s for those over 40, so I’m sorry.
PJ: They’ve aged you up. I’m sitting over here. I get AARP ads because my name is the same as my dad’s. I’ll get mailers and Facebook ads, and I’m like, I’m not even close. It’s not me. Who are these people?
[Mid-episode Rogue Collective invitation]
Daron: Sorry for the interruption here in the podcast, but I wanted to take this moment to invite you into something. If you’ve ever been in a place in your life where you’ve just felt stuck. You felt like maybe you’re just spinning your wheels. You’ve been thinking there’s got to be more for me. I listen to the podcast all the time and I hear Daron talk about on purpose and for purpose. I have to discover my purpose.
Well, that feeling is right. You do need to, and I want to help you. I want to be a guide for you to step into who God created you to be. That’s the purpose and the design of what we do with Rogue Collective Coaching.
So if you’re curious, or if you know, listen, I’m not curious. I know it’s time for me to take action, here’s your call to action. Go to roguecollectivecoaching.com. Click the button that says book a discovery call. Jump on a 30-minute conversation with me. We’ll talk about where you are and if Rogue Collective Coaching is your next step to help you to become who you were born to be.
roguecollectivecoaching.com — book a discovery call. Can’t wait to chat with you.
Let’s get back to the episode.
Daron: So yeah, it’s all fake. In fact, before I got off Instagram, I’d be scrolling through something and I’m like, that’s a fake person. They look perfect because they were AI generated. Sometimes I’m like, is that a real person?
Let’s say you’re a 17-year-old girl or boy, and you’re just scrolling, and you’re not quite understanding. Oh, that’s what a perfect athletic dude’s supposed to look like. You’re like, I’m the worst. No bro, that’s a literal computer-generated fake. No one looks like that. That’s not real.
Coop: Daron, here’s the reality too. We know this about it. When I go on, I’m like, I know what I’m going to be served. I know that there’s going to be times I’m coming face to face with somebody that might be doing better than me because they’re showing me their highlight reel and I’m not there yet. I know this, but I still go there in my mind. Whether I want to or not.
And it’s so true because the addictive side of it, you find yourself stuck in land. So we’re not sponsored by this, but I purchased this this week. I’m gonna give it to you guys, because it’s been changing my life. It’s called The Brick.
Daron: You did get one?
PJ: I’ve read about them and tried some apps that do similar things, but I haven’t done the actual brick.
Coop: We bought it for the boys for Christmas and none of us have used it.
Daron: Are you serious?
PJ: Does that mean you have three of them sitting around your house? Bring one over.
Coop: Man, it is awesome. Even down to the point of this morning. I was driving my five-year-old around and we went to get her haircut. And normally I just give him my phone and he can watch something. My phone is bricked because I set my parameters. And bro’s like, he’s so mad because he can’t do nothing. He’s got to play or do something different. Or just be bored.
And it’s like, I’m seeing it there going, oh my gosh, it’s right in front of us. Much like you’re saying, when you’re off of social for a bit, you go, why do I feel lighter? Why do I feel better? It’s because we’re not having those people push those scars so much. You’re not this, you’re not that.
And this isn’t a podcast about getting off social media. You can, that’s fine. But ultimately the thing about it is we can easily just kind of fester in those scars even more just because of the things we’re seeing. So we’ve just got to pay attention to it. Just get the brick, you’ll be fine.
Daron: So here are the three lies that drive fear, guilt, and shame around our scars.
Lie #1: There are perfect people.
Lie #2: Perfection is the standard.
Lie #3: My life is primarily about me.
Coop: To piggyback on what we were just talking about with social. What does social tell you every time you get on there? Those three things. Those lies are met in your face every time.
Daron: So this is the soundtrack that we’re going through, unaware of it. There are perfect people. What do I know about my life? Well, not me. So I’m less than. But there are some perfect people out there, but not me. Perfection is the standard. I don’t meet the standard. Therefore, shame, guilt, fear. Hide, lie, self-protect. Because no one can know that I’m not perfect, because then they’ll know that I’m not like the perfect people. And my life is primarily about me.
This is the trap that keeps us from stepping into healing. And obviously, the only perfect person was Jesus. He set the standard, and by what he did with his life, his death, and his resurrection, he has now allowed the entirety of humanity to be able to separate from these lies and embrace truth.
Here’s the deal. There are no perfect people.
PJ: There was one.
Daron: And he has now made a way where all of us imperfect people can be accepted and loved in our imperfection, and actually find healing and hope for what we’ve gone through.
The reason this podcast episode was called why your scars qualify you for servant leadership is: if you can reject that last lie, my life is primarily about me. Because I think the truth is your life is primarily about relationships. Everything else is just the details.
So if I go, okay, let’s walk it backwards. My life is primarily about others. This changes things. My life is primarily about loving and serving other people. That’s where real life is.
Okay, well, perfection is not the standard. And if there are no perfect people. Oh, sweet. So you mean potentially the specific scars I have, you mean there might be millions of other people that have those exact same scars? Yup.
So then if I showed them my scars, they would go, me too. And if my whole role is to serve and love and help those people find hope, and if I’ve gotten connected to God and I’ve actually found, not maybe perfect, complete, healed, cured, but if there’s a scale from one to infinity, and I’ve gotten to like a level 25 of hope. You mean if I meet somebody that’s at a level 5 of hope, and my life is primarily about loving and serving other people, it’s actually, oh, you have the same scar. And then I find out, oh, you’re just at level 10. Hey, can I just tell you about how I got to level 25 of hope?
Now all of a sudden I’m like, oh, I don’t need to hide these. I now have this testimony. That’s what I want people to get their mind around. That is what sharing your faith looks like. Not I don’t know if you know about the fact you’re going to hell.
Here’s sharing your faith. Here’s my faith. I have scars, pains, struggles, failures, things where I’ve taken on wounds in my life, whether I caused them myself or they were brought upon me, injustices, maybe even generational patterns in my family. But I have found a connection to the source of love and hope and forgiveness and peace and healing. And he actually loves me for these scars, and he’s helping them heal. Let me share that with you, because guess what you have? Scars.
Coop: Man, it reminds me of this last week. My wife and I were in a counseling session, as we do. We have a real stressful time going on. We’re building a house, we’re selling a house, there’s four kids, young, it’s crazy.
So we found ourselves at a place that was just stressful. We were talking it through in that session. And I found in that moment, I was telling them, or really our counselor Holly pulled it out of me and then stuck it in my face. Basically I had all of these stressors that I was trying to hide from my wife or the family. It’s going to be fine, it’s going to be fine, but I’m building that up, and the stress in my life is protecting her from the stress.
In that moment of them talking it out, they gave me space to share those things. I’m stressed about this, I’m stressed about that, this is what I think, this is my fear that I’m having in all of this. And my counselor said, Lauren, how does that feel that he shared that with you? Lauren’s my wife. In my brain, I’m going, she’s going to go, now I’m more stressed out because I know he is. And she goes, oh, it’s so nice to know I’m not alone in that.
It was like, what? It completely changed the way I was telling that story in my mind. And it’s almost what you’re saying with the scars. Hey, look at this one. You’re like, oh, I got that one too. I’m not alone.
Man, there’s beauty in that. I literally came face to face with it this week when it was like, oh, I can say that I’m scared and stressed out about this. And you’re not going to run away and go, oh no, now I’m more stressed and scared. You feel more, oh, okay, I’m not alone.
Daron: That’s beautiful, man. I love that, Coop.
It’s just interesting, because you think about the fear, the shame, the guilt that you’re feeling of like, oh, a real man would have all this faith. A real husband would. These are those things, but I don’t. I’m imperfect and I feel weak and I’m scared, and I can’t lead with that. Because then I’ll get rejected.
And then realizing, like you just said, no, actually when I allow myself to be seen and known, I actually create the opportunity for the person I love most to love me.
You know the whole phrase, intimacy: “in-to-me-you-see.”
PJ: I’ve never heard it said that way.
Daron: Really?
PJ: Really.
Coop: You come up with that you yourself?
PJ: No, you didn’t.
Daron: No, I didn’t
Coop: Good job. You’re so smart.
Daron: We want to have more intimacy in our marriage. And this would be honest as guys, you mean sex? But no, I want to grow in intimacy. What that means is, into me, you can see. And into you, I want to see. And what I see, I’ll respond with love and grace.
This is what God gives us. Speaking of that, Coop, I think it’s Jamie Winship, or Gary Smalley, or Dave Gibbons, or Erwin McManus, or Jesus. Sure. That’s the database.
He said, I think he said, he and his wife started doing this thing where every day they would either wake up or at some point during the day, they would tell each other, this is what I’m most afraid of today.
Coop: I can’t lie, dude. I heard Jamie say that last night, and I was sitting on the couch with Lauren. I looked over at her and said, can I just tell you what I’m really scared of right now? And just said it. I’ve never done that in our whole entire marriage. Bro, I was, like I said, I’m really scared that you’re going to think that I’m crazy, and now it’s just more stressful for you. And she was like, no, thank you for sharing. We just had a really good conversation around it.
I literally did that last night because I heard Jamie say that was something that he does. And it makes so much sense. It’s the fear, or he even says the joy, what I’m most excited about or what I’m most afraid of. If you have those conversations, even that changes it.
We all have kids. They get home. How was your day? Tell me the best part. What was the worst part? But to change it. What brought you the most joy today? What are you the most scared of? Even that would change so many conversations at our dinner table.
Daron: When it comes back further to what Jamie teaches, the idea of learning to just have a conversation with God. That’s your opener with God. What you said, Coop, is confession. I’m going to confess. God, I am afraid, terrified of this. What do you want me to know about that? Then you listen, and then you hear, and you write it down.
Usually God’s going to speak to something about his character or your identity. And that’s, I think, what we’ve got to come back to. What is my identity? I’m a dearly loved son of God, period. What about the scars? Dearly loved. What about all my failures? Dearly loved.
And that’s what I am so passionate about with what we’re doing with the Rogue Collective clients and with folks that are part of our Blackbird Mission resources. Because it’s just knowing that that is the condition of our world. But if I can start going, there is nobody perfect but Jesus. Perfection isn’t the standard. And my life is not primarily about me. It’s about how I serve and love others. Oh sweet. Then these inadequacies are actually my first qualification.
I have a buddy who’s had a tough life. It was cool to see him come to this epiphany a couple of years ago when he realized, everything I’ve been ashamed of, if I find people that have those same scars, there’s nobody more qualified to help them find hope. Those are my people.
PJ: That’s why AA puts you with a sponsor who’s gone through it.
Daron: Spot on. AA is actually probably one of the most effective discipleship structures. It was started with the biblical framework. What does the Word of God tell us about our scars or sins? It says confess them to one another that you might be healed.
Hey guys, here are the scars. This one actually is still scabbing over. This one’s still, okay, well, let’s tell the truth about that. Let’s go to Jesus about that. Let’s find healing from that.
Coop: To the point that, a few episodes back, we talked about the prophecy thing. It seems like this weird, kind of crazy woo-woo thing. The way you broke it down was like, oh, it’s just encouraging people. But when you’re talking about this and confession, it’s another word. Well, I had a bad thought the other day about that. That’s what you feel like you have to do.
What you’re breaking down here is the fact that we can sit across the table from one another and say, I’m actually really scared about this. I’m really scared about that. And that is the confession. That’s where it starts. That makes it way more accessible than if it’s like, please unlock all of your sins and put them on the table. It feels like, I don’t even know where to start. But to share our fears with one another, that’s where that starts.
Daron: I think it’s interesting. When I was thinking about this episode, it made me think about Luke 24. Jesus has resurrected. He has risen. He has risen indeed. Easter’s around the corner. He has done it. It is finished. He’s resurrected. All of the realities that we now live in. And the disciples are racked with fear, hiding behind a locked door.
Here’s what Jesus does. Verse 36: Just as they were telling about it — so they’re talking about everything that’s going on — Jesus himself was suddenly standing there among them and greeted them. But the whole group was terribly frightened, thinking they were seeing a ghost.
Jesus says, why are you frightened? Because you just showed up out of nowhere. We watched you die on Friday, and you just walked through a wall. However you just showed up here. Hello?
He says, why do you doubt that it is really I? Look at my hands, look at my feet. You can see that it is I myself. Touch me and make sure that I’m not a ghost. And as he spoke, he held out his hands for them to see the marks of the nails, and showed them the wounds in his feet.
It’s really intriguing to me that Jesus defeats hell, death, and the grave, comes back from the dead, the first ever resurrected body, and still has the scars.
It would have been pretty easy. I don’t exactly know the science behind how you get a glorified resurrected body, but I think it would have probably been pretty easy for God to be like, well, Jesus, God, okay, let’s just patch up that thing there. That was painful. Guys remember when I got crucified? No one needs to see those. Let’s get the feet too.
Why did he keep the scars?
And to me that was just an overwhelming thing of like, wow. Even in your perfectness, you said, no, hey, let’s keep the scars. And then the thing that activates the faith and pushes out the fear that these disciples are having is when they see the scars.
Man, if Jesus is our paradigm, if he is the way that we want to do it, if that’s the way he chose to do it, then I think we can embrace that. Yeah, I’m a follower of Jesus, and I’ve done it for a long time, and I’m in this process of being transformed and becoming who I’m born to be. Man, I’m keeping the scars. And guess what? You can see them.
PJ: We were never meant ourselves, I think, to take on the role of healer.
One, I’m finding my words, and two, I’m trying not to cry. But there’s this, maybe it’s the foresight of me who’s willing to sit in the struggle more than a 7 or a 9 sometimes. That image of the wounded healer — that Jesus is prophetic in and of itself. It is talked about all through Scripture prior to that. He’s going to be pierced for us before it happens. It sets all that up.
And when we look at when we try to do the healing, when we try to achieve perfection, when we try to make ourselves holy, that’s when things break. When we lean into what you’re talking about, accepting our scars, the confession, the real relationship conversation with Jesus, and the healing part, then flows so differently. It is so otherworldly. It is supernatural in a way that we just have to get out of our own way. There’s your U2 lyric for the day.
Daron: Thank you. Appreciate it. You teed me up perfectly.
Before we close, Isaiah 53. Who has believed our message? To whom has the Lord revealed his powerful arm? My servant — this is prophetically speaking of Jesus — grew up in the Lord’s presence like a tender green shoot, like a root in dry ground. There was nothing beautiful or majestic about his appearance, nothing to attract us to him.
Then it gets better. He was despised and rejected, a man of sorrows, acquainted with deepest grief. We turn our backs on him and look the other way. He was despised, and we did not care.
He is the suffering servant. Jesus is the model. He is perfect. And he was a man of sorrows, acquainted with the deepest grief. Nothing beautiful or majestic was apparent to attract us to him. And yet that was the model.
And we go, I’ve got to really spruce myself up so there’s something really attractive about me. I don’t want people to know that I’m a man of sorrows, and I’m acquainted with deepest grief, because then people will. Oh no. Actually, that inadequacy, those scars, it’s your deepest qualification. That makes you look most like Jesus.
As it goes on: Yet it was our weakness he carried. It was our sorrows that laid him down. And we thought his troubles were a punishment from God, a punishment for his own sins. But he was pierced for our rebellion, crushed for our sins. He was beaten so we could be made whole. He was whipped so we could be healed.
It was his scars that give us that healing.
And if our life is not predominantly about us, but how do I take on that same identity of, I am a scarred and suffering servant of others that is in the process of being healed by Jesus. Not there the whole way. I’m in process. But I’ve been connected to a source who is able to actually heal my pain, transform it, so I don’t transmit it.
It’s a quote I share, a Richard Rohr quote that says, any pain that is not transformed is always transmitted. Someone else has to pay.
I think that’s where we can look at, man, how do I… let’s say you have a painful cycle in your family. We all have kids. It’s like, I don’t want that to go on to my kids, and I don’t want that to go to my kids’ kids. So what do I do? Here’s what happens: if you don’t allow it to be transformed, you will transmit it. But if it’s transformed, in the process of being transformed, then what you transmit is healing and hope.
Coop: Dude, that’s the play I want to run.
Daron: So we said deep into the pool. What I want you to notice if you’re listening or watching is that we’re not doing this alone. We’re talking together. We walk this together. You’re talking about what you’re learning from your counselor. Talking about what we’re learning from mentors and authors.
And above and below and within all of that, we’re talking about what this connection of walking with the living God, with Jesus, is doing.
So if you’re watching this, and you’re going, man, even my scars, I don’t think I can do this, and you’re feeling overwhelmed by, I can’t do this alone. You’re right, because you were never meant to.
You’ve got to get into some community with people that want to go on this healing journey together. That could be a church. It could be a counselor. It could be some friends. The key is that you get in a community of two or three others. So you’re one, you need one more. And the promise from Jesus is, where two or three are gathered, I am with you.
So this is a pretty simple deal. I’ve got to go find a big… No, no, no. If you don’t have somebody right now, and you’re being overwhelmed with shame and worry and fear and guilt, just begin asking Jesus: Jesus, could you send me to one person of peace for my journey? Then start paying attention to who God brings into your life. You don’t need a bunch of people. You need two or three.
Got yourself two or three good friends, you’ve got yourself a tribe. Quote from one of the greatest movies ever made, Young Guns 1. When Chavez y Chavez tells Billy the Kid: Billy, you got yourself two or three good friends. You got yourself a tribe.
Daron: One of my favorite quotes. One of my favorite movies.
Coop: That’s good.
Daron: All right, listen, hope you enjoyed this. Would love to hear your feedback. Genuinely rooting for you, praying for you. We are humbled that we get to take this journey with you as being a part of the Daron Earlewine Podcast family.
Until we talk again, remember these three things: God is for you, he is not against you. He is near you, not far away. He’s created you on purpose and for purpose.
Thanks for downloading this episode of the Daron Earlewine Podcast.