Enjoying The Journey Through Life’s Disappointments
Life is full of transitions, whether you’re watching your kids grow up, facing unexpected changes in your career, or navigating the disappointments that seem to follow us at every stage. If you’re like most people, you’ve probably found yourself either buried in the anxiety of protecting others from pain or struggling to find joy when things don’t go according to plan. But what if the secret to thriving through life’s challenges isn’t avoiding disappointment, but learning to enjoy the journey even when disappointment is part of the path?
Learning to Parent (and Live) with Perspective
The most important thing is that you gotta enjoy the journey, and along the way there’ll be disappointment, but if you’re enjoying the journey, the disappointment won’t seem so big. This wisdom comes from years of watching kids grow up, make teams and miss them, succeed and fail, and realizing that our role isn’t to shield them from every hard moment. Whether you’re parenting your first child or your third, managing your career, or facing any major life transition, the temptation is always the same: we want to control outcomes and prevent pain. But here’s what experience teaches us – disappointment is just part of life, and it’s part of teaching ourselves and our kids to manage that disappointment. When we stop fighting the inevitable challenges and start embracing the growth that comes through them, we discover something beautiful: God often uses our pivots and disappointments to redirect us toward something better.
Finding Purpose Through Pain and Perspective
We are the workmanship of God created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which He prepared in advance for us to do – there really is a plan, and we’re really not all the way in control of it. In fact, we’re barely in control of it. This truth should bring relief, not anxiety. When we look at our greatest disappointments, we often discover they were actually God stepping in and going, “Hey, we’re going to pivot a little bit here. For the better.” The key is learning not to flip out, not to fight it, and definitely not to let it crush us. Whether you’re 25 and wondering about your career direction, 45 and watching your kids leave home, or 65 and thinking about what’s next, remember that every day we’re becoming something – we’re either becoming a better version of ourselves or becoming a worse version of ourselves. Choose to become better, choose to trust the process, and choose to enjoy the journey.
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Episode Summary:
This episode features Daron & Julie sharing vulnerable insights about releasing control, learning from parenting mistakes, and finding peace in God’s timing as their family transitions into new seasons.
Key Takeaways:
- Disappointment is part of the journey, not something to avoid at all costs
- Every parenting season requires becoming a better version of yourself
- God uses pivots and pain to redirect us toward His better plans
- Investing in relationships creates lifelong connections with your children
- The goal is to raise kids who WANT to spend time with you when they don’t have to
Notable Quotes:
- “What’s most important is that you gotta enjoy the journey and along the way there’ll be disappointment, but if you’re enjoying the journey, the disappointment won’t seem so big.”
- “We are always becoming. Every day we’re becoming something, and we either become a better version of ourselves or become a worse version of ourselves.”
- “Disappointment is just part of life. It’s part of teaching your kids to manage the disappointment.”
- “We already raised them. We did a good job. Now we get to hang out as a family and make new memories.”
- “I was given this blessing to raise them. That was the best gift that I was given.”
Episode Resources:
Connect with Daron on Social Media:
Links to the Daron Earlewine Podcast
YouTube | Apple Podcasts | Spotify | Libsyn
EPISODE 177 TRANSCRIPT
Daron: You know, the choir perform or the basketball team play. Just, I’ve learned to see now that what’s the most important thing is that you gotta enjoy the journey and along the way there’ll be disappointment, but if you’re enjoying the journey, the disappointment won’t seem so big.
Hey, welcome back to the Daron Earlewine Podcast. As you know, we’re in the midst of this short abridged version of the Earlewine Podcast and breaking up a few of these episodes, cutting them in half. And so excited you’re back with us. And we’re going to jump into now the second half of a conversation that Julie and I had kind of kicking off this series. So welcome back to the Earlewine Podcast. And without any further ado, let’s jump into the second half of Julie and I’s conversation.
Well, it makes me think about, you know, when I work with adults, you know, we take them through spiritual DNA or the coaching that we’re doing now with the Rogue Collective. You know, we talk a lot about pain. Like, how do you find your place of greatest passion? Well, you have to look at what you’ve suffered through to know what God has uniquely equipped you to suffer for. Right. And I think so often the regular reaction of adults, right, or humans is we bury our pain. Well, that hurts, that sucks, whatever. I’m not dealing with it. I’m not, I’m just going to bury it. And we’ve tried to talk as much as we could with Ty and process through this. And, you know, I’ve had conversations and I know you have too with him of saying, for whatever reason, God has, this has been written in, this is a part of your story.
And within that, somehow God is going to use this, even this pain, to help you discover that unique purpose for you. I think that’s challenging as adults, because I don’t think we ever want our kids to struggle as want them not as much as possible. But I am going to be really intrigued to see for him and for his class, like to have this part of their story.
Julie: Because God’s always redeeming, right? He’s always working for the good as somehow He’s going to work this to give these kids a unique perspective and a unique passion, a unique calling, you know, to know, you know, I can actually persevere through pain and God can make something new, you know, in me and out of me. So let’s turn our attention to…
Here in a couple of weeks, there’ll be just the three of us. So now it’s like the most extreme. And it’s been a long time since we had just one kid in our home. And at that point, he was only a two-year-old. So it was like a completely different situation that in a month here, we’re going to have one child. He’ll be 15 years old. And I guess my question would be, we’ll start positive so you can stop crying. What’s something that as you look forward to it of like, it’s just you, me and Knox for his high school run. What’s exciting about that?
I had a friend tell me this week too, and this is so true, she’s like, he’s gonna get everything that he ever wants.
Daron: He gets whatever he wants. Yeah, like he’ll get whatever he wants. And like, it’s funny because Knox and I actually enjoy a lot of the same like fun things. Like we’re both like super crazy Christmas people. So we both love ice cream. We both love a lot of the same things, but we both super love Christmas. So we’ve already like, he’s already telling me that like we’re doing all the Christmas things all the time together. We’re not having to say no, because it only is just the two of us, and so it’s less expensive. So we can do whatever we want.
You know, to be fair though, what Cole doesn’t remember because he was zero to two, he got all the attention for two years. Because he did all the things in the beginning. Really tie who he owes stuff to because he’s always had to share. He’s never been by himself. He won’t because he’s nice. He’s a nice one. I’m sure he’ll speak of that on his episode. So that’s what you’re excited about.
Julie: Yeah, I mean, you know, I think I’m excited mostly because of I think too, we’re older and wiser and we have a better perspective. So we know like that the next four years of Knox’s life, like we won’t let him miss what matters. And what you’re going to do after these four years, they’re not worth missing the four in them right now. And so I think, you know, like we will try our very best, Lord willing to be fully, fully present for four full years for him to help him enjoy it. Like if you really think about it, there’s nothing like high school. Like you don’t get it back. You don’t have any, like it is, there’s nothing like it. And so I think he will get whatever he wants and he will be encouraged to enjoy all the experiences the best he can.
Daron: Right, flip the coin onto the other side. What’s something that you’re concerned about, anxious about, sad about? What’s a negative emotion that’s connected to it?
Julie: I think the only thing that feels super negative for me is just the fact that he’ll miss his brother so much. Luckily Cole is close by and we’ll at least see him. I think that Knox nor Daron like to ever even be alone for 37 seconds. So I think I worry a little bit for Knox because he doesn’t enjoy being alone. And so he really enjoys being with his brother.
I worry about that. He does have actually, sometimes I think God was really good and he could see what we needed and what Knox needed because Knox actually has a lot of friends that they’re going to be the only sibling at home for four years as well. So it’ll be interesting to watch like that unique relationship with those friends that have a lot of time that it’s just them as well. And those kinds of friends will understand when you’re feeling a certain way. So I am thankful that God lined that up for him that he has like a good handful of, they’re in the exact same story.
Daron: Yeah. Yeah, I think. Hopefully, I think I heard somebody say in a book I was reading a couple of months ago that like you rarely meet, you rarely meet a mid level 80 year old. Like if you meet an 80 year old person, either like the most wise, gentle, loving person you know, or they’re like the meanest crotchety mean. Like you don’t get eight decades in and still be mid level. Like because we are always becoming.
Every day we’re becoming something and we either could becoming a better version of ourself or becoming a worse version of ourself, right? So for us now, one thing that I hope is I think I’m the best version of myself right now. Like I think you’re the best version of yourself right now. And I think I’m excited about like the perspective and the wisdom and like getting to go through it with a third kid and have the focuses like.
We’re not going to make some of the same mistakes and we’ll be able to, some of the perspective. But I mean, and I do feel compassionate sometimes. Sometimes my compassion goes to just frustration or anger. Like when I’ll observe, you know, an oldest parent, like they’re on their first kid and whether it’s about something about sports or something else. It’s like, it’s just like the world is coming to an end or this is the biggest deal. And then just being like, and no one really no one chastised us and I don’t think I would want to try to encourage and inspire people past it, like just knowing like, no, like this really doesn’t matter. You know what I mean? Or like even like for us, because sports is a big thing in our life. Like, boy, we had, in our, if you’re, if you watch the podcast, listen to it from anywhere in the country, I don’t know how your city is, city here at Fishers, Indiana, like it’s a, we people worship sports, right? And there’s this almost-
Julie: Everyone does. You’re probably right. I don’t think it’s unique to us.
Daron: But this idea of like, man, my kid’s going to play D1 and like everything becomes about that. And it’s always this, this angsty and like, okay, like we have a kid that plays D1 football. It’s not that cool. Right? Like, and he’s not going to Alabama and he’s not getting paid $200,000 a year, but you realize too, like, and if your kid’s gonna do that, go all the way. Go for it. Go crazy.
But even my point in that is you think like, man, my kid’s like, he’s really good. And like, our kid was really good, but like, he’s not LSU good, you know? So you get that and then you realize, this is really just a game. like, what it really means is like, yeah, my kid plays D1 football. What’s that mean? Well, it means we still get to see him play football, which is cool, but it means he’s never home. And it means he’s never really able to relax. And it means at any point we could be getting a call that he’s having another shoulder surgery or he’s pulled his hamstring or he’s like, and I will, I guess we will find out. Second kid is like, you know, I’ve seen what college athletics is. No, thank you. Like I’d like to go have fun and be a college student. And it’d be interesting. And we’ll get to see him Lord willing on Thanksgiving break and Christmas break and summer break. He’ll be home. So it’ll be a whole different experience with another college kid.
But I don’t know, I think the perspective of like, hey, Knox, like, you wanna play college sports? Great, you don’t, whatever. You make that team, you don’t. I mean, I’m hoping maybe we’ll be able to parent with a focus, a perspective in a God-centered maturity that we haven’t had yet.
Julie: I think it goes back to though what you just said about we’re always trying to be a better version of ourselves. And I wasn’t this version of myself that I am with Knox when I started. And I recognize weaknesses and insecurities and fears and worries that motivated me. And it really wasn’t ever about the thing they’re doing. It’s really always more about the fear of them feeling a disappointment.
So for me, it wasn’t really like, is he going to get to play in college? It was really more of like, my goodness, what if he doesn’t get to do this thing he really wants to do? And then we deal with the disappointment of it. so it’s always, it’s not, it’s not, we feel like the first time around it was about the thing. So it’s normal to feel like it’s the thing, whatever it is they want to, they want to go on and they want to perform in theater or, know, they want to, they want to get the first spot in the orchestra or whatever you want. Everybody’s got them. All those kids that go out and they want to win the we the people and they can do these speeches and they work so hard. Yeah, we all want them to be the best. But what I’ve learned to realize is that it’s really not about the tangible thing we’re trying to get them to. It’s about the fact that between here and there, we don’t want them to have to face disappointment because we already know how hard disappointment is. And so I…
I did everything in my power and in all my crazy behaviors and all the things I did that were so embarrassing to think back on all through the years with Cole. I realize now that they were all motivated out of a fear of his disappointment. Well, now what I’ve learned is that even in the journey, you’re going to be disappointed. So we’re in the journey. We did the journey. We did the things. And guess what? The disappointment is just part of life. It’s part of teaching your kids to manage the disappointment.
So therefore with Ty, it’s been easier with him to not be as concerned about the disappointment. And I feel like he’s been given the freedom of a lot more joy because of that. And then now with Knox, it’s like we were driving in the car, you know, last weekend and I was like, you have four years to be, you know, if you’re not from our state or anywhere, we know where we live, their mascots are Royals. And I was like, have four years to be this royal and to be the best royal you can be. Like whether that’s whether he’s really passionate about peer tutoring and helping kids that have disabilities, like whether you just whatever you’re doing, go in and be the best royal at peer tutoring. Be the best royal at football. Be the best royal if you make the baseball team. Be the best royal walking down the hallways of the school. Be the best royal when you’re watching the, you know, the choir perform or the basketball team play. Like just I’ve learned to see now that what’s the most important thing is that you got to enjoy the journey and along the way there’ll be disappointment. But if you’re enjoying the journey, the disappointment won’t seem so big.
Daron: One, think, too, it’s like if we’re, if we’re do actually believe that we are the workmanship of God created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which is prepared in advance for us to do, like there’s a plan. And yeah. And we’re really not all the way in control of it.
Julie: Well, we’re barely in control of it. And I think that’s been like, I look back, I realize so many of the disappointments were just God stepping in and going, hey, we’re going to pivot a little bit here. For the better. For the better. Like, I’ve got this, I’m guiding, I’m directing. So like, don’t flip out, don’t fight it, right? And for sure, don’t let it crush you. Like, this is a pivot, right?
Daron: We’re all humans though, so to the parents on the first kid, like, it’s scary because you don’t, everything, I always heard someone say it’s always hard, harder when you don’t know what to expect. Like you don’t know what to expect in anything. So it’s like, I look back on some of the ways I acted with Cole and just the way I was, I’m like, how embarrassing. But yet I had to be that way because it didn’t teach me to be the way I am now.
Julie: If we could bottle that perspective and sell it, we’d be really rich.
Daron: No, you can’t. I mean, it’s only through experience that we gain perspective. So I think that that part is nice. It is nice to be able to go into the next four years with Knox just to enjoy it. And I think even with Ty going far away to school, it’s just really hard. But there’s a perspective of the fact of like, you know, I’ve already had a kid go to college. So even if it’s far, I know the…
I know that even when it’s not far, you don’t always see them. So it’s it’s transition and I want them to go be the best version of themselves that they can be.
Daron: All right, let’s shift our focus a little bit. So what got us into this situation of having children was being married and we’re four years away from being empty nesters. God help me. That wasn’t nice.
Julie: They need to laugh a little. We might have been too much crying. He’s going be shuffling everywhere behind me.
Daron: They laugh and I cry. So, I don’t shuffle. Yes you do. No I don’t. That’s garbage. Whispering. Don’t whisper in the mic. It’s better. He does. This is ridiculous. He shuffles. Okay, you’re done. Okay, so four years away from being empty nesters. Four. Now we’ll have the next four years, just the three of us. And so just you and me, somehow Knox will be able to drive with somebody in like a month. Yeah.
So then a year from now, he’ll be gone all the time just driving and doing what you do when you’re a teenager. So what are you seeing, I guess, what are you seeing shift in our marriage that like we’re, there’s more empty bedrooms here. It’s just, there’s less of us. It’s more you.
Julie: We’re gonna need some hobbies. We’re gonna definitely need some hobbies.
Daron: hobbies. I tried to teach you to golf once.
Julie: I know I’m not doing that, but we’re gonna have to come up with some hobbies and we’re gonna have to have a lot of friends. Thank goodness, but I understand we’re gonna have to spend a lot of time with them. I don’t know, I don’t really, I think I get a four year hiatus on this question, at least a three year hiatus. I that’s a lot to like really think about.
Daron: We have a lot of friends. It is, but even now that we have, but like this, like this summer we only had one kid playing travel ball. Yeah, it was great. Like, not joking, not joking. There were a lot of, we would get to July into June and with the marriage was barely holding on because of baseball season. Well, you don’t and it’s just stressful and whatever game.
Julie: Which was freaking amazing. That is true. You don’t see Joe very passing ships in the night.
Daron: And someone’s always mad in baseball season. I just want you all to know that if you’re considering putting your child in baseball, the answer is don’t do it. There’s so many other things.
Julie: We’re all mad.
Daron: Pick a different sport. it’s a game of failure. teaches you, you know, it sucks.
Julie: It’s actually really awesome, but then it’s also really not.
Daron: So, but I have noticed like, you know, like there’s been a handful of games this summer where like we drop them off and you and I go get, you know, a cocktail and some chips and, you know, chips and salsa. it’s like, it became this like kind of impromptu half hour date. It was like, it wasn’t you were driving from half hour away, flying in with another kid to pick up, you know, another somebody’s bag and go to another game. And so I think that I, and I do think we do need a hobby.
Julie: We’re going to have to some hobbies.
Daron: But I do love, think we have done a good job of like, we’ve, and we’ve, whenever we go, you know, we’ve tried at least once a year, sometimes twice a year, like get away for a couple of days. And like, I know we’ve had multiple conversations, whether it’s on a beach or somewhere we’re like, after a couple of days, we’re like, hey, we, like, we really still like each other. Like we have fun together.
Julie: Yeah, I think it’s just the same thing as like, I think it’s like this kind of the irony of like having kids, like I said, it’s like a slow role of like them needing you less and then us having to sacrifice our time with each other to raise the best humans we can to then now be going in reverse where it’s like, okay, they need us less, but we’re going to have to work.
Like now we’re going to be going back the other direction of where we used to be, where it was just us and realizing why we ever started this whole thing in the beginning. But I think we need hobbies and I think that I should be allowed to watch TV by myself.
Daron: allowed you to that all the time.
Julie: Not really. I’m usually doing house chores.
Daron: Yeah, it’s you blaming on me just because you can’t relax and go watch TV.
Julie: That’s true, I’m thinking of how shows will be done, so I’m just gonna have to start watching TV. Like Love Island.
Daron: No, you’re not. That rots your mind and soul. I might need more friends. You, you, I think the boys are going to go and you’re going to become a hermit or you’re going to have, you’re going to build a guest house, which is where I have to live.
Julie: I don’t watch Love Island. I’m not gonna become a hermit, I’m gonna hang out with my friends too. I like my friends. Like you too. We just can’t always be together, you guys. We work together, we live together, we parent together.
Daron: Yeah, what about me? I’m getting an office. podcast together. will be out of the house.
Julie: Last question. It’s going to be just fine. We fell in love once. We stayed in love. We raised three cool kids. Probably some of them will come back and live in our house because it won’t cost them any money.
Daron: It’s true. You know what’s nuts we talked about this that I’m actually excited about is the crazy part of the math here is depending on how long Cole stays in college, like he could actually be out of college. And if he moves back to the fishers, which I don’t know if he’s going to or not, like he could be back in the mix as like an adult before Knox is even out of high school. Which should be really freaking cool. And I think that’s what I love is. No, you stay in Arizona, we’ll come visit you all the time. Maybe we can move out there.
Julie: That is correct. It would be amazing. Kyle will be sad, he’ll be lonely, you should come back.
Daron: I’m trying to get, I want Knox to play college football somewhere in the West. And then we can migrate to better. So we can get out of this state when it’s. Okay, here’s what I’m excited about. And this has been a new kind of perspective, I think is as the kids are growing is. And this is very much on point with me being a seven on the Enneagram and an ENFP and all the things that is, is who guys made me to be. But like.
Julie: Why do we want him to do that? You can just do that on vacations.
Daron: I loved raising the kids and we’ve had so much fun with the little kids doing stuff that you do with kids, but like, I love hanging out with my boys and like the adult version of them, like we’re going to have so much fun in the next season of life. Like we can go, we go to concerts so we can go to just stuff and like they’re awesome to hang out with and they’re great conversationalists and like, so I think that’s part of like, I don’t, as it’s happened, I don’t.
Sevens don’t focus on painful emotions. So I don’t sit around and think about, we don’t get to raise them. We already raised them. We did a good job. It’s now it’s like, my gosh, we’ve raised them in such a way where, like you said, like this weekend, we’re going to get together with a family friend of ours and go to a lake house. like Cole didn’t have to go. We didn’t tell any of the boys, you have to come. This is family time. Like, but they’re all like, yeah, we’re all going to be together. Sweet. I’m in. And like to know we get to hang out as a family and make new memories and different ones like.
I think that maybe is to maybe cast a vision for somebody that has younger kids, like, why do you want to invest in the relationship and why do you want to become the healthiest version of yourself? So you create a relational environment when, your kids don’t have to hang out with you, like they still want to, because then you can do really fun stuff with them. All right, last question. So you are absolutely the COO of early wine, Inc. chief operating officer of all things. And so, but your role is evolving. You don’t have three teenage boys to feed every day. You don’t have all the things to do. Like you’ve always had, you know, multiple jobs as well as running this incorporation called Early Wine Inc. But what’s starting to stir within you of like, I’m…
I have more and I’m going to have more margin. And a big part of your identity and what you’ve done amazing at is being a mom and raising these boys with me and being a major part of that. But like, what do you sense this kind of stirring of like what’s, what’s happening next?
Julie: I love the fact that you’re such a dreamer. So you’re always thinking that everyone thinks these things. I appreciate that.
Daron: I’m just helping people. Because guess what? Unless you’re going to die, it’s going to happen.
Julie: I think these things. future. I don’t. I don’t know the answer to that yet. I don’t feel massively overwhelmed to know right yet, which I’m thankful for. I have a feeling that God and His unique faithfulness will figure that out for me. I kind of am.
Daron: That’s a fair answer.
Julie: I, it goes back to what I said. It’s like a slow progression of getting to where you are as a mom. And I’m okay with where I’m at right now. I’m proud of who the boys are. I know that when they need me, I will get on a plane immediately and fly to Phoenix. I, I don’t know. I think right now I’m just thankful to feel at peace for where I’m at and to know that I raised, that I was given this blessing to raise them. That it was the best gift that I was given. was,
and I’m going to make the most of enjoying every second of Knox’s experience and the parts that we get to experience with them in their college environment. mean, the thing is, is like one of the things I noticed that feels like sometimes parents are like, my gosh, they graduated. It is over. And it’s like, no, actually it’s not. Like my prayer is that there’s a lot more to come that we get to be a part of. And yeah, will it be like breakfast every morning that I make you or packing your lunches or doing all the little things or driving all over the country to your baseball tournaments. It won’t be that stuff, but it will be other things where I get to watch them fulfill the plan and the dreams and desires of their life. And in the midst of that, I will be mixing in some hobbies. Like the hobbies. But seriously, like I’m okay. If you had asked me two years ago when Cole was leaving for college, if I was okay, no.
Daron: hobbies.
Julie: No, it was not okay. It was not well. It wasn’t well. It was not well with the nucleus dividing. But I am now because I am watching them become the men that I always hoped they would become. And so it makes it okay. Does it make it easy? No. Am I going to be unwell all of Labor Day week after I’ve left my child in Arizona? I’m going to be unwell. My friends know they will be here with who knows what to rescue me from the deep state of staying in my bed that I’m gonna wanna do. But the bottom line is that he’s following the plan God has for him and that’s amazing. And I’m watching Cole do the same and I’m…
And I’m praying that Knox will continue to follow that in the footsteps, just like they did of finding and doing the thing that was meant for them. So it’s like, is it great to do it? No. But is it what you want to do? Absolutely. Because it’s God’s plan and it’s okay. yeah. So what am I going to do after that? I don’t, I don’t know yet. guess I’m probably just going to keep working a job like the rest of Americans, but we’ll figure it out. One day at a time.
Daron: One day at a time. Great job, Jules. Episode one, when we come back, we’re gonna be sitting down with our oldest son, right. And you get to hear perspective of him stepping into God’s plan from what’s it look like to follow God, follow your purpose into at least your junior year of college. Then we’ll have an episode. We sit down with Ty talk about what does it look like to step getting ready to step out of college? The challenges, what gave him the courage to move all the way across country? And then we’ll have an episode, sit down with Knox, and then we’ll have when we come together, all three of us. And hopefully we can organize this where we can actually have everybody in person with everybody being somewhere in the country. May have to have somebody on Zoom, but we’re going to see what we can do. So
Thanks for watching or download this episode. We appreciate it. We want to thank one of our great podcast sponsors, which is Confined Space Coffee. If go to confined space coffee dot com, you can check out what they have. There’s phenomenal stuff. And if you use the discount code rogue, you can get 10 percent off your order. So just want to plug that in there. Let’s that’s happening. And thanks, Julie, for being on here. Thanks for being on all the episodes. I know you’re stoked about being on all these episodes.
Julie: He keeps making me do this.
Daron: Anyway, till we talk again, remember this, God’s far enough against you, He’s near you not far away, and He’s created you on purpose and for a purpose. Thanks for downloading this episode of the Early Wine Podcast. See you next time.